I am so sick of this.

figuring things out.

   I didn't expect anything, I didn't expect you. At first, I was careless, just letting myself be happy & not thinking about the future. Then, I started to look at reality & convinced myself I didn't like you and didn't want to be with you. I was afraid of actually caring, because I knew how it felt to be hurt. I was so used to trapping myself in my own negativity and shutting the rest of the world out. Somehow, despite everything I thought, everything I said, I wasn't ready, I wasn't able to let you go. I didn't want to not have you in my life. I stayed. I stayed because some part of me knew that if I left, you would be gone forever, and I knew I couldn't have that.
   As time went on, I learned more about you. The more I learned, the more I wanted to know. The more I knew, the more I started to fall for you. I was worried at first. We're very different, yet very much alike. I don't think have never met anyone who cares for me the way way I know you do. I can just see it the way you look at me. I know I get angry or annoyed with you, but I know you try really hard to make me happy, and I know you're always thinking of me. That's what is so great about you. You're the sweetest guy I've ever met, and I never feel like I have to hide when I'm with you. I think you're amazing. I think you're wonderful. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that right now, in this moment, at this time, I love you; and I thank God for you everyday. I know that no matter what happens, I will never forget you.

Maybe all we need is completely clean slate to feel okay again, but sometimes, that's not really an option. So what we're left with is the jigsaw puzzle we call our lives, and we make the most of what we have, because in all honesty, that's all we can do.