Things have a way of working out. Things will get better, things do get better. Eventually, if you give them time and patience, things fall into place.

3 months today.

I can't believe it's only been three months. It feels like so much longer. I miss you so much, Grams. Words cannot describe your beauty, they cannot express my sadness, they do not even begin to explain how much everyone truly  misses you. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met and ever will meet. I am absolutely, 100% certain that I will never meet another soul quite like your own. Nobody else has your patience, compassion, and understanding. I just miss you Grams, so much. I love you.

new beginnings.

Here's to Forgiveness Sunday & the start of Lent.

I'm starting over, although I know I can't exactly do that until the end of this year, I'm doing what I can for the meantime. This new beginning is a new journey, it's a fresh start for all. I am going to do everything in my power to avoid negative feelings, I know it might be difficult and it might be inconvenient, but I know it's the only way to be happy. I'm really glad you've figured things out and have everything just the way you like it, but just because something works for you, doesn't mean it works for everyone else. I'm going to put the past in the past and start over. Starting over means letting go, and I'm letting go of what might have been there and what had potential to exist. It's over and done. We are strangers who live together. It's okay though, I've come to accept the fact that this is the way things are now, and I promise once this year ends, you'll never have to see me again. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I truly believe this is the only way to move on. I'm just not sure I can stand reliving all that went wrong in order to make things right. I think too much damage has been done at this point, I'm sorry. Please forgive me for what I have done to upset you, but trust me when I say I won't be a bother anymore. I don't mean this in a way to seek guilt, sympathy, or apologies. I truly mean it when I say I'm done, and in a few short months, we will both be problem-free.

appreciate your loved ones before they're gone.

Tonight, we are young...

"So let's set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the sun."

We only live once, we're only young once. We only have one shot at this life, only one chance to make things right.

Stand up for what you believe, tell people how you feel, don't keep things in. Be honest, be upfront, be beautiful, be you.

I miss you.

I miss you so much grams. I wish you were here, I wish I could hear your voice, I wish I could see your face in something more than a picture. I love and miss you so much grams. I am so happy you're in a better place, but I just miss you. I need you grams. Please be with me grams, give me your strength, give me your love, give me your compassion, give me your understanding. I love you grams, so much. I know you're smiling down on me. Happy birthday.

Look forward, not back. Think about what can be done, not why something did not happen. Be concerned not with others, but yourself. Think about what you can do to better your own situation, not what others have done to hinder it. Things happen for reasons we are unaware of. Everything has a way of working out. Faith, trust, love, and strength through God can solve any problem.

Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday to the world’s most beautiful woman. I only wish I had the opportunity to celebrate it with you. I know that this is the first birthday for you, in quite some time, that you are able to celebrate pain-free and in a place of peace. I know it’s been almost three months now, but I remember everything like it was yesterday. I miss you grams, I have trouble picturing my future and the ups and down it holds without having you by my side. I wish you could be here with me when I graduate college, when I start my first job, when I walk down the aisle, when I have my first child, when I take another step forward in my life. I really wish I could share it with you. You were always ecstatic to hear about my day or what I had to say no matter how insignificant it may have been. Two years ago, my sisters and I wrote you letters for your birthday. I keep mine in my wallet now, I was so surprised you kept them, considering I hadn’t remembered even writing my own. Every little thing mattered so much to you. The reason you were able to stay positive despite the circumstances is because you only saw the beauty in life. You only saw everything wonderful, you were not phased by the little things, you were not upset by life’s minor detours. You constantly proved to me that happiness can overcome all feelings of anger if that happiness is supported with love. The love you’ve shown for every person you were in contact with is incredible. I’m still in awe with your patience, compassion, and infinite understanding. Grandma, I love you. Happy birthday to you, I’m so happy that you are in a place of comfort and peace, though I will always hold a bit of sadness that you cannot be here with me.

I'd love for you to make me wonder...

... where it's going.

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you? Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
...Finding someone else you can't get enough of, someone who wants to be with you too...


Even if we're sure, we're never really be certain of what the future holds for us. I'm so excited to embark on this journey with you. I'm so happy to have found you and to know that you feel as strongly about me as I feel about you. Although we fight, it makes us stronger, I know that whatever the future holds, I will always have you with me to help me through it, because no matter how much we argue or how I angry I am with you, not being with you would be far too painful to endure over a few fights. I'm not sure what will happen to us, but I know that whatever does, we are able to embrace the future together.

you need to understand that we're apart. you need to understand that I love you. you need to understand that I do care. you need to understand that because we're apart, I can't always be there exactly when you need, but I do try. you need to understand that because I love you, because I care about you that things will be okay. if you don't trust me, if you freak out, if you cause problems, that only hinders our relationship. it prevents us from growing together, it prevents us from moving forward, it prevents us from being happy. it's impossible to talk when we can't reason, and it's impossible to reason when we're both upset. please, for me, try to stay calm. please, for me, know that I love you and that if you truly love & trust me, you wouldn't do this. okay, darling? please, just know that for me.

Cheers.

Cheers to the most beautiful woman I have ever me. Cheers to the most wonderful lady to walk the earth. Cheers to the kind of mother I hope to be. Cheers to the world's greatest grandmother. Cheers to a beautiful soul, a beautiful soul that is in peace now, a beautiful soul that is no longer in pain. Cheers to the woman I aspire to be. Cheers to you, grams, cheers to you.

happy little things.

Today was a good day, no today is a good day. I can't wait for everything the future holds; spring break, formal, our anniversary. I'm so excited to spend my days with you. I love you. Thank you for all that you do.

sisterhood, friendship.

it's important to have people in your life that you are comfortable being around. it's important to know who your friends are and to know what makes you happy. it's important to know who will stand by your side, through thick and thin. it's important to know who will always treat you right, even when it isn't easy.

Valentine's Day.

It's valentine's day & I miss you. I wish you were here. I wish I was there. I wish I could see you whenever I want. I wish I could hold you, kiss you, hug you, cuddle, snuggle all the time. When I walk around campus and see other couples, a little tiny part of my cries on the inside because I wish that could be us. It pains me to see couples who don't treat one another right, who don't understand how great they have it, who don't cherish their time, who don't make use of their time, who don't realize how lucky they are. 

If you were here or I were there, I would hold you, see you everyday, give you infinite hugs and kisses, cuddle fest every night, snuggle fest every weekend, go on dates, study with you, talk to you, just be happy with you. I miss you, love. I am so thankful to have you in my life, but I'm also so saddened that we are so far apart. 

Thank you for never leaving my side & always promising to fight. To fight for me, to fight for us, to fight for love, our love, our relationship, our future. I love you more than words can say, and I'm so happy to have you in my life on this Valentine's day.

my best friend.

I love that even though we are miles & miles apart, I love how we can still talk to each other about anything. I miss you, girl! I also love how we have such relatable problems/situations... It makes me so happy. I am so glad that we are still friends, & I know that we will always be best friends. I love you! & You'll definitely be in my wedding. You're always there when I need to talk, no matter how weird or crazy the situation may be, I know you'll never judge me, and I know I can always count on you. Thank you for being a friend, my very best friend.

Happiness.

It's all about happiness. We are constantly looking for happiness. Once we stop looking, we find exactly what we were searching for and more. It's the unexpected moments in life that leave us breathless, and it's the spontaneous surprises that leave us speechless. 

the most wonderful feeling in the world.

I am head over heels in love, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I never realized how truly incredible my boyfriend is until he came and surprised me. I never realized how much he loves me and how much I take our relationship for granted. I love him so much, and I now know how truly incredible he is. 

When I pictures myself happy, I never thought it'd come true in this way. I never thought I'd find a guy who has so much love for me, who sees me in such a beautiful light, who cares about me more than anyone else. I never expected to fall so hard so fast, I never expected to feel so loved. I never expected to feel so special, so important.

Love truly is the most wonderful feeling in the world, and I am so thankful that I am able to share it with someone who feels exactly the same way as I do. Words cannot describe how happy he makes me, words cannot describe how much I love him, and words cannot explain how evident it is that he truly cares about me too.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return."

-Nature Boy

There is so much truth in that statement.

Blessed.

I am so incredibly fortunate to be blessed with so many loving people in my life.

I am blessed to have an incredibly loving boyfriend, who traveled over eight hours just to have our first Valentine's Day date.

I am blessed to have a loving family who baked me cookies, and sent me fruit and cards for valentines day.

 I am blessed to be so happy living in this crazy, beautiful life.

I am blessed.

Lovely, I love you.

This is the first year I've had a valentine, and I didn't think I would get to see him. But today he surprised me and reminded me of all the wonderful reasons why I love him. I could not be happier. Yesterday was an amazing day and will be something I never forget.

Prince Charming.

We all have our own version of Prince Charming. Sometimes, we think we've found him, only to discover he is not who we once thought he was. But when we do find him, we just know. A girl always knows. No matter what she says or cares to admit, when she knows, she knows.

I met my Prince Charming on April 22, 2011. I'm not saying he's perfect, but he is just right for me. I'm not saying we never fight or have problems, because we've had our fair share of disputes. Though in the end we always find a way to make it work, because we love each other. Often times, I've heard the question, "is love enough?" My answer to that questions is this: Love will always be enough, as long as you are ready to fully embrace the power of love. Love works in mysterious ways. Love comes in many forms, but at the end of the day, love is what we strive for. Love is what we look for. Love is what we find when we are finally ready to open our hearts and let love in.

I want to take this time to say thank you. I am so grateful to have met you, you have changed my life in more ways than one. I can honestly say that my summer and college experience would not be the same without you. I love you. You make me so happy, and I cherish every moment we are together, even when we fight, even when we yell; we yell because we care, we fight because we hurt, and for that, I am grateful. I am grateful for this because it means we are not afraid to tell each other how we feel or what we're thinking, it means we love each other enough to fight for our love. 

Thank you.

xoxo.

I love you.

Times of crisis show us so much more about the people we are & the impact we have on others than we realize. People come together in hard times, in sad times. How we deal with unpleasantries reveals our true character.

The brick walls are there for a reason...

... The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They're there to stop the other."

--- Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

In life, we will be constantly faced with obstacles, that much is inevitable. However, how we deal with these obstacles is entirely up to us. We can shy away and hide in our own little bubbles, or we can stand up and face our problems with an optimistic attitude. Sometimes, we feel like we won't be able to make it through, sometimes we feel like things are so bad, they can't possibly get better anytime soon. What we fail to realize is that there is constantly beauty all around us. We are never given more than we can handle. God knows us better than we know ourselves, and He will never give a situation we are unable to deal with. At the end of the day, everything will turn out to be okay.  

one.

Hey, so it's been one year. One year since it happened. It's been one year, and I never thought I'd make it. But guess what, I did. I found strength where I thought none existed, I found love where I never imagined to, I found myself while lost in my own sorrows, I found happiness after a sadness I thought would never end. I'm okay now. I'm disappointed, but I'm okay. I'm thankful, too. It was a learning experience. I am not glad I was hurt, but I'm glad I was able to grow. I'm thankful for what I've learned about love, happiness, and myself. I'm thankful for all that this experience as taught me and for the joy it has led me to. I'm thankful to have met you, even if it meant being hurt by him.

Thank you, for everything, I love you.

Dear God,

Thank you for all that you have taught me and all that I will continue to learn. I am grateful for it all.

The days are long, but the time is short.

How is it possible that days can drag on, yet time always goes by so fast. It seems as if before you know it, the moment is gone, and you're left with the memories. Memories are strong, memories are powerful, memories can do so much for us. We remember the bad, the sad, just as much as we remember the happy, the glad. What does that say? Tragedy is as powerful an emotion as ecstasy? Sometimes, the things we are grateful for turn into the things that cause us the most pain. It's so strange how one moment we are so sure of one thing, and the next it seems so unreal. It

Time goes by, yes; time is a remedy. In time, all wounds are healed. In time, we make sense of our sorrow, we make sense of our pain, we make sense of our everything. We come to conclusions, we try to understand, what, in some cases, is not meant to be understood.

I am thankful for every precious moment I spend on this earth and the gift of life that I have been blessed with, even if I don't always feel that way at the time.

"And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe in the gospel."
Mark 1:15

Olivia.

It was so sad saying goodbye to my little sister today. We spent all weekend together hanging out and playing around. I had so much fun, she wanted to live with me at college... how cute. I lover her so much & I am really going to miss her. She was so well behaved, I hope she comes and visits, I don't want to have to wait until spring break to see her! I am so blessed to have such a lovely gift in my life, who also happens to be hilarious.

childhood.

When having fun was enjoying the little things, when stress didn't exist, when happiness was always a given, when anger was over extra dessert, when love always meant hugs and kisses, when being sad never lasted more than five minutes, when imagination made every day more interesting, when creativity was not afraid, when everything was innocent and ever so simple.

& then you realize, sometimes everything you're most afraid of becomes a reality.

It's okay not to be okay.

"Meekness, temperance; against such there is now law" 

Galatians 5:23

It's okay to fall, it's okay to be imperfect, it's okay to not always be okay. We all have those days, when everything seems like it's falling apart, when tomorrow doesn't appear to be a new start. We've all been through hardship, we've all shed a few tears. It's okay, though. No one said making it on this earth would be easy. However, the way we carry ourselves through these times truly reveals our character. Patience, understanding, faith, and trust all display traits that God has taught us. We may not always feel like we can get through something, we may feel angry, we may feel lost; but patience, humility, seeking God in times of need; that is what truly gets us through, and nobody has the right to say otherwise.

Love.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about love. Love makes people do crazy things, in a good way of course (usually). Love makes people put everything out on the line, they risk it all in hopes that their feelings for another person will be returned. Love is beautiful, but love is dangerous. Love is risky, but its rewards are more abundant than any other feeling or achievement in the world. 

Love comes in a variety of forms. Sometimes, love is right before our very eyes and we fail to see it. Love works in mysterious ways; we cannot control who we love. Love just happens, "love isn't always on time."  But when love comes, when a person fully embraces the beauty of love, there is no turning back, which is why, in my opinion, when you love someone, you never truly stop. You will always have a part of that person with you, whether or not the love was requited. That's why heartbreak hurts so much. Sometimes, when the timing is off, love doesn't always work out. It's a tragedy, truly, when two people are so in love but unable to be together. Or when one person falls for another, but their love isn't ready to catch them. 

Love is very dangerous. Love can make miracles happen, but it can also bring on unbearable amounts of pain. Love can cause so much hurt, it's almost depressing. However, that's another reason why love is so wonderful. Love is so powerful, it's the strongest feeling in the world; love is a feeling people search for, sometimes without even realizing it. 

Another wonderful thing about love is that when love brings us down, it's always there to pick us back up. No matter what happens, no matter what life throws at us, God will always love us unconditionally. His love endures forever; His love is the most powerful and most pure thing ever to exist in the universe. His love is stronger than any other kind of love, His love is why we all have been given the gift of life. His love is real love. His love for us is always and will always be an infinite amount of times more powerful than the love any other person on earth can have for us. His love comes first. 

I am grateful to have found love. I have found love from my family, I have found love from my friends, I have found love from my love, I have found love from my pain. I have constantly lived in a world filled with love. Though sometimes this love has caused my pain, sorrow, such strong feelings of sadness, I wouldn't have it any other way. "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." This statement will always hold to be true. Love is such a strong feeling, and there is always somewhere to find love. It is up to us to accept love and live with its beauty. I am blessed with many different kinds of love. I am so happy for that, even on my darkest days, I can always find love. Love is always worth the risk.

Left with the memoreis.

We are all left with memories. Some good, some bad, some happy, some sad. Even the most painful of memories can hold some of the most important lessons that we've learned. Love teaches us joy, but it can also bring us hurt. Love shoes us the beauty in life, even though a heartbreak can cloud that view. Love shows us the way when there is none. Love is all around us. Love exists whether or not we've found it in God, a significant other, a relative, or a friend. Love is strong, Love is powerful, Love is changing, Love is beautiful. Love brings ups, and Love brings downs. but what's important to remember is that Love is pure, and it will forever be the purest thing to exist on this earth. Nothing will every change to beauty of love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

2.1.2012.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:8-10

   Today I realized how blessed I am to have had a woman so inspirational in my life, my grams. She is such and incredible woman, and her love and spirit shall live on for eternity. I know that one day I will see her again, but for now, she will continue to guide my path.

   Today's verse of the day is very uplifting. We have all been given the miracle of life, and it is up to us to decide how we will live our own lives. We have all been created in God's image, we are all a gift, we are all different and individual. No two people are alike, and that is what is so beautiful about the lives we live. We have free will, we have been saved, we can roam this earth knowing that we never have to be alone and that there will always be a place for us in heaven. I am so comforted by the fact that God will never judge me, He will love me no matter what I do. I don't have to be anyone else but me, I am enough, He loves me for who I am, not what I do or how I dress. He loves me.

   Living for God is more than just doing good deeds or giving your time. It's having a desire to share His love with the world around us. We shan't do so in boastful way, nor should we complain when tasks become too difficult. God gave us His only son, and because of this we have all been saved. Helping  a neighbor, a friend, an enemy, anyone is helping spread God's love and helping share His joy. My goal is to live for Him before myself, to put my needs below those of others. I am not perfect, I don't always do everything exactly as God intended, but I know that with His help and guidance, I can be stronger. I can overcome any burden with his help.