peace.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

 Isaiah 26:3

   Reality can be extremely overwhelming. With break being so short this year, I feel like I am pressed for time and I shouldn't be relaxing or enjoying myself. On the other hand, it seems totally ridiculous not to enjoy break because it is the only time of the year (aside from summer) in which an extended period time is given to be away from school.

    Because I haven't been spending every waking second stressing about this paper and that assignment, I've had the chance to really look at my life. Christmas was rather enjoyable this year. Seeing my family together and happy really put things in perspective for me. I know I say this quite often, but I realized how much I have to be grateful for. My relatives were healthy, we had a delicious, home-cooked meal, and people were just happy.

   This year  has flown by too fast. I look back and I think about everything I have done and everything I have seen and I thank God for blessing me in more ways than one. Though there have been some difficult situations and events, I also have made some really awesome memories. I think that all of the pleasant times seem to cancel out the unpleasant ones. In the end, after all is said and done, everything works out the way God intended it to, and I could not be more grateful for that.

Merry Christmas!

Mother Dearest & all her girls (+Kosta)

Olivia can make anyone laugh with her singing. I find her to be quite talented.

Love.

   Sometimes, the moment we stop looking into the future and start living in the present, we find exactly what we are looking for. When I finally decided to stop thinking about possibilities and the various solutions to my problems, I found peace with myself. I prayed every night and asked God for answers. However, when I stopped asking for answers and strated finding happiness in my life, I found everything I needed.
   Times like these, I feel God walking with me. Times like these, I feel safe. Times like these remind me that God really does know what is best for me, and He only wants me to trust Him. For what kind of a relationship can I have with God if I do not trust Him? What makes God most happy is seeing His people have faith and putting Him first.
   I feel so blessed to be living my life. There certainly have been times, even recently, in which I was weary of what the future held; though in the end, I've realized that I have been given a great gift. I have God's love. I have God's guidance. His light will guide my path and I will never be left alone. As long as I follow Him, I can never go wrong. It's quite comforting.
   This Christmas, I am happier than I've been in quite some time. My life makes sense, my family is hilarious, and everyone around me is so cheery. I cannot imagine anything that could possibly make this Christmas any better. I love this feeling of understanding and acceptance. This peace of mind is such a new concept for me, it's hard to believe that it's real.



   Sometimes, I wonder if this new reality is all in my head, and then I laugh at myself for thinking such a thing because when thinking this, I am, in a way, questioning God. God will never give me challenges I cannot handle. I have realized that the hardships I have faced have truly made me a stronger person. Without those experiences, I would not be the person I am today.
   I needed to see how easy it was to be led astray from God. At the time, I certainly wished I could turn back time and change what had happened. However, I now realize that it was all necessary. I needed to know that God is greater than me, and I need to make Him my first priority. I would not have the same relationship with Him that I do now if things had worked out differently.
   Now, I have a clearer understanding of "the reason" I had searched for. I have learned so much about not only myself, but my faith as well. Looking back, I can honestly say I have seen a change in myself. I have seen myself grow closer to God, and I am incredibly grateful for that. So, I suppose, I am actually thankful for the hardships I have endured, for the most certainly have made me stronger.
   God is always looking out for me, and I will never doubt Him because I will always feel His presence. He is there to listen when I'm sad and to rejoice when I'm glad. I am a sinner walking in a fallen world, feeling the love of a King who is watching from me from a perfect Heaven.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."

1 John 4:16

Sleepovers.

You're the apple to my pie, the straw to my berry♥

ohmygosh. your the button to my sweater.

 the horse to my shoe.

 the teeth to my smile.

 the contact to my eye

 the mouse to my keyboard.

 the butter to my fly

the battery to my calculator.

the leap to my frog.

 the row to my boat.

the santa to my clause.

 the bubble to my scantron.

the adobe to my reader. 

 the Internet to my explorer.

the vampire to my diaries.

I love being on winter break and having sleepovers with my best friend.

Peace.

  

"Therefore being justified by
faith, we have peace with
God through our Lord
Jesus Christ"
Romans 5:1

 
   Sometimes, overwhelming schedules seem to dominate our lives. Sometimes, we do not see what is right in front of us because we are too preoccupied with matters that don't necessarily matter.

    Babies. Babies are so simple and so innocent. After an extremely stressful day, I went to pick my sisters up from my Yiayia's. While there, I was asked to hold Eleni. As I rocked her back and forth, so many of my worries seemed to fade away. She is so adorable, and holding her made me realize how easy it is to become too entangled in the real world. Sometimes, we need to take a step back from our lives and look at the bigger picture.

Sometimes, we just need to take a break

from the chaos and remember what we have

been blessed with.



Understanding.

   Because of God, I am happy. Because of God, I have patience. Because of God, I have found peace. I am thankful. for every hardship I have experienced, for it has only made me stronger.

   Difficulties force us to rely on God. They are a reminder that we cannot accomplish everything in this life on our own. The moments of happiness remind us to rejoice in God, for without Him, we would not have them. In order to have balance, we must understand that a balance between challenges and understandings are always present. One cannot exist without the other.

   At the time, I cannot say I was happy with every hurdle I had to cross, but in the end, I realized that it was worth it. If everything worked out perfectly, would I have turned to God and rejoiced? I would like to think I would have, but I cannot be sure. If God had not challenged me as He did, I am not sure if my faith would be as strong as it now is. As much as it hurt to go through each day with sadness, without those days of sadness, I would not have found the happiness already in my life.

   When something goes wrong, we immediately look for ways to fix the problem, instead of looking at the things in our lives that are going right. I realized that aside from my "burdens", I had so much to be grateful for. God has blessed me in more ways than one. I know now that I needed to realize how lucky I am to be one of His children to be happy. I was looking for happiness in the wrong places.
   I gave everything I worried about to God. I was broken, I was imperfect, I was a mess. God picked me up and pieced me back together. God fixed me and gave me understanding. God opened my eyes to the life that was always in front of me. God gave me happiness, and He made sense of the sadness. God guided me through the darkness, and I am continuing to follow His light. His gifts are above all other gifts. His love is the most wonderful and precious gift of all.

Paolella.

   I miss you girls so much! You are all so amazing and hilarious. After only one week together, I was able to learn so much about each and every one of you! I miss having dance parties at two in the morning and making campaign posters with glitter. I miss being late to county meetings and watching people get foot cramps. I miss staying awake during assemblies, but most of all, I miss seeing all of you!

   I hope that you girls are all having an amazing senior year, and I wish you the best of luck next year. I know you will all shine wherever you are. This experience is one I will not soon forget. Meeting all of you was such a blessing and I am grateful to have had such a pleasure. Thank you all for making such a lasting impression and making IGS such a memorable week!

Grams.

   After speaking with my grandma last night, I realized that there is so much I don't know about her. She really is fantastic, and she has so much knowledge to share. She has traveled to places I never imagined she had and she has the best outlook on life of anyone I have ever met. I truly believe that I could learn so much from her. When I wondered why she had never shared any of this with me before, I realized that I had never asked.

   Too often in our lives, we take people for granted. I certainly have taken my grandma for granted. I love spending time with her and seeing her, but I never really asked her about her life. She always asks me how I'm doing, and it has become so easy for me to tell her everything going on in my life. I hardly ever ask about hers or what activities interest her.

   For the second Christmas in a row, my grandma will be in Florida. Christmas without her here is not the same. Last year, all I could think about was how weird it would be for me to not see my grandma on Christmas. I didn't think about how  hard it was for her to have to spend the holiday season away from her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

   I have noticed that I have been a bit of a selfish person this past year. I have been thinking about what I can do to improve "my life" and make the days easier for me. I sigh and drag my feet when it comes to chores around the house or errands for my parents. I claim to be grateful for the things I have, but my actions do not particularly show that. My logic is a bit hypocritical.

   I find it strange that after a half hour of talking to my grandma, I found so many flaws with the way I have been living my life. What I found to be most interesting from our conversation was the fact that she had difficulties saying anything negative about anyone. She only spoke of the "good times" and positive memories. Even when she did mention hardships, she treated them as if they were minor obstacles in the grand scheme of life.
   While I was writing her answers, I wondered how she managed to stay so positive and keep such an optimistic look on life. Then I realized, she is so strong with her faith. Where there is faith, there are no worries or hardships, there are only minor obstacles. She need not dwell on the negative when there were so many better things and happy memories to recall.
   If everyone had the same mindset as grams, the world would be such a happy place. I can only hope that I can look at life the way she does. She is so joyful all the time, and her smiles really are contagious. I love how she laughs at anything I (or my sisters, cousins, etc.) say and the way she always has something nice to say about even the meanest people. She doesn't like to see the "bad" in people. She gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, no matter what they do. She truly is an inspiration, and I certainly will be making more of an effort to stay in touch with her.


Thanks for being such an amazing role model! I love you grams!



"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Philippians 2:3-4

 But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful.

Psalm 68:3

   Times like these remind me that God really is looking out for me. When the smile seems to stay and the sadness fades away, I pray. I praise God because I know that without Him, I have nothing. Without God, I am nothing. He has extended to me happiness although I am undeserving, he loves me unconditionally although I am unworthy. My problems are no more important than my neighbor's. My troubles are not a priority. I am a sinner just as everyone else who walks this earth. In no way am I perfect or close to it, yet God still cares. I am so insignificant, yet He answers my prayers. Without Him, there is no me. Without Him, there is no world. Without him, there is no happiness, there is no suffering. Nothing amazes me more than His glory. I am no one special, but in God's eyes, I am His child. He gives me more than I deserve. I am not worthy of His love. I am not worthy of His grace. All I can do is praise Him. I thank Him for everything he has given me, every person I have met, every hardship I have encountered. I would not be the person today if I had not been guided by God. For that, I am eternally grateful.

   I am quite displeased with the affect "presents" have on people these days. People practically pull their hair out trying to pay for "the perfect gift". It's absurd! People spend a fortune on the holidays. Have they forgotten what  Christmas is all about? Purchasing presents has seemed to overshadow the true meaning of Christmas. Christmas is a holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Christmas IS NOT an excuse to ask for fancy items and shiny toys we don't even need. I am not trying to say that gift giving is a terrible crime, but giving the wrong gifts for the wrong reasons is certainly not right. When you give someone a gift this holiday season, think of the message you are sending with that gift. Is it what you had hoped to accomplish? Are you satisfied with what you have put together? Will this gift be a memorable one? I hope that your gift giving has some meaning and depth behind it. I think all of us can think twice about not only the manner in which we give gifts, but also the manner in which we receive them. This Christmas, think humility, joy, and gratefulness.



"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!"

Luke 2:14

"I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation, he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself with a garland, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels"

Isaiah 61:10

Because God always has a plan. He will always listen. He will always provide. Not a day passes in which He does not wish to hear the worries or praises of His children.

He is love.

The Magi.



   How many times do we put our own selfish needs before those of others? All too often. Though we may claim that we are "willing to give up the world" for another soul, do we really mean that? If true happiness and unconditional love are rare treasures, how many of us actually seek them out? How many of us actually care about finding them? How many of us, once we have found them, take them for granted?

(link to story) The Gift of the Magi

   The Gift of the Magi tells a beautiful story. Both Della and Jim sacrifice what they love most in the world so that they may afford the "prefect gift" for one another. Della sells her long, elegant, brown hair in exchange for money to buy a chain for her husband's pocket watch. Jim sells his family heirloom, the golden pocket watch (which he loved dearly and was never seen without), to buy a set of gorgeous, turquoise combs for his wife's luscious hair.

   On Christmas day, the two exchange gifts and realize what has happened. They have sacrificed what they loved most so that they may show their affection towards one another. However, neither can actually use the gifts they have bought for one another. The two of them had no money whatsoever, but they realized they  had love and wisdom. Of all the people who give gifts during the holiday season, they are the wisest of them all.

   Della and Jim are a perfect example of people who truly understand the art of gift-giving. They were willing to put the needs of others before their own. They were willing to sacrifice their most prized possessions because they truly loved one another. They found that although their gifts could not be used, they were far greater than any other gift anyone else could receive or give. 

   While Della and Jim had little to nothing on that Christmas, they were richer than any person I know. They had each other. They had more than most people do these days, and they were thankful for what they did have. Della and Jim gave and received the most precious gift of all. The two of them are far wiser than anyone shopping this holiday season. They are indeed, the magi. 





My colors.



The most wonderful time of the year with the most wonderful girls.
"Friends are like colors, they never fade away"
(true friends that is. & all of you are the truest of friends and the brightest of colors)
thank you.

    I am so blessed. I could not ask for a better group of [close, old] friends. Although many of us knew each other long before, seventh grade was when we truly became close friends. I honestly do not know what I would do without you all. Whenever I need someone to talk to, you [all] are always there. I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I never met you.
   You girls made me feel like I was part of something real. There is no doubt in my mind that this friendship will last long after high school. I think that it is totally amazing that we have been able to stick it out through "thick & thin". I love you girls so much and I want to thank you for being such great friends.
   I know I can trust you with anything and count on you to be there for me. I love how we can be lazy bums, obnoxiously energetic, or even tired and crabby and still be able to hang out. I don't have to pretend to be anyone or put on a fake front when I'm around you all. I feel most like myself when I'm around you because I know you won't judge me.
   Everything is hilarious when I'm with you girls and nothing is ever too minuscule. You understand when I'm mad, sad, happy, glad... I love we all know each other well enough that sometimes, we don't even need words to communicate how we're feeling. I love how easily we all get along and how hard it is to stay mad at each other. I think I've learned the true meaning of friendship from meeting all of you.
   I hope you all know that you mean the world to me. When I look at my pictures, I remember all of the amazing times we've had together. I don't recall a time where the evening did not end with laughter. Sure, we've had our differences, but in the end, it's all been worth it. I am so grateful to have met each and every one of you and I want to thank all of you for being heartfelt, understanding, and truly amazing friends.
   No matter where we are next year, I will always have our memories with me. No matter the distance, I know we'll be close in heart. I wish you all the best of luck next year, but remember, we are never really apart.

With it being the holiday season and all, I think you girls should know you've given me the greatest gift of all.

I love you girls. I am so blessed to have you in my life.

I am looking forward to seeing you all tomorrow!

One day, I will look back and laugh at all the tears I shed.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me."

John 14:1 (NRSV)



Christmas IS NOT about the presents. Seriously.
I think too many people have lost sight of what
this holiday is all about.

It's moments like this that truly define our friendship.
So yeah, just thanks. & This looks pretty real to me.

The now.

   I've done some thinking, and I have come to a realization. I am the problem. No, I am my problem. My mood depends on my attitude. Because of my own negative attitude, I am not always as happy or cheerful as I should be.
   I have decided to change my attitude. I realized that in 10,20,30,etc. years from now, none of my worries now will matter. No one is going to care about how I styled my hair or what dress I wore on October 15th, so there is no reason to worry about such matters. I decided that instead of living in my life, I am going to actively live my life.
   I am going to be a light in this world. God made me. God loves me. I am tired of letting my sulkiness forget that. I am going to live as a child of God should: happy and "carefree". I can give my worries to God, and He will provide me with what I need to survive. I know that one day, I will be "happy", but I can still be "happy" now. I do not need materialistic items or ideological views to feel better about myself. I am going to live, be free, and most importantly, be myself. God loves me for who I am. If I don't believe myself to be worth something, why should I expect other people to?
   I just want to say a special thank you to my uncle. While visiting this past weekend, he noted that I had my phone with me during the evenings. He told me that whatever I was doing won't seem all that important 10 years from now. "None of it matters." He told me that I shouldn't let myself get so caught up in something that wouldn't really matter in a few years. He also told me that he understood if I didn't want to listen to him, because he himself did not follow this advice. "I wish someone had told me this when I was your age..." That's what every adult always says. I listened to him, but even though I knew he was right, I continued whatever I was doing. I had told myself that before too, but I never really listened. I sort of tucked it in the back of my mind, thinking, it's just so important to me now... I want to fix the now.
   I have decided to "take his advice" in a way. I am going to stop searching for answers and stop trying to fix what I have broken. I have done all that I can. I am going to give myself a break, I am going to be free. Whatever happens will happen. Instead of waiting for the future, I will enjoy my time in the present. I cannot change the past, so I'm going to fix the present before it's too late. I don't want to look back on my life and think, did I really do that? What was I thinking? Why couldn't I have just done this...? From now on, I am changing my attitude. It starts with a smile. After all, smiling is contagious.
   I will slowly pick up the pieces of myself that I have shattered, and one day, I will be me again.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God,what is good and acceptable and perfect."

                                                                        Romans 12:2 (NRSV)

I just don't know.

   Sometimes, I can't help but hate myself. I refuse to hate another person, so why am I an exception? I refuse to judge a friend or foe, but why do I constantly judge myself? Am I not a child of God as well? If this is true, why do I let myself do this? I am a horrible person to myself. I work so hard to follow God and accept all His people, but somehow, I have forgotten that I am one of those people. I can say that I love every human and detest their sins, but don't I fall into that category? Why is it okay to feel so terrible about myself, especially when it causes me to question God? That is not okay. I should be happy with everything that I have. I am so fortunate, and I feel that by questioning God I am not acknowledging that.
   While this is true, I still cannot accept myself. I can accept everyone else, give everyone who has wronged me, hurt me, brought about tears, the benefit of the doubt; but I cannot even accept my own self. How twisted is that? Why am I not okay with how I look? Why am I not okay with what I have done? If I am blessed enough to have a loving family and a safe place to live, why do I still look for more? Why am I constantly criticizing myself? Why do I let myself fall into these awful cycles? Why do I let myself hate the image I see in the mirror? Why is this okay?
   This isn't okay. I wish I could stop myself, but I can't. I wish I could change, but I don't know how. I wish I could accept myself for who I am, but I don't know if I ever will. I know I am never alone, but sometimes, I feel empty. Sometimes, I look at myself and think, why? Why did I do this? How did this happen? The negativity I hold towards myself has destroyed my self-confidence. I ruined me. I ruined God's creation.
   I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to hate myself anymore. I want to be okay. I want to feel okay. I want to look at myself and be happy with the person I am. I want to look past my imperfections and accept the image staring back at me. I can't do this alone, and thankfully, I don't have to. I want to stop doubting myself, for it not only destroys me, but also hinders my relationship with God. That is not justified under any circumstances. Anything that takes away from actively living my faith should not be tolerated. I wish it were as easy to do as it is to write.
   I don't even feel like myself anymore. I want my life back. I want my normality back. I want my happiness back. I feel as though I am merely going through the motions to get through the day. I should be grateful for everyday that I am alive, and share that happiness with everyone around me. I am failing to do so. I want to be sure of myself again. I want to feel again.

My best friend.



Alina & I ( she should take more pictures... with me)

    I love spending time with the family. I especially love having time to spend with my sister, Alina. We were shopping around today and it was just really fun. Sometimes, I forget how lucky I am to have such amazing sisters. I have three other sisters, and they are equally great. However, I would like to dedicate this message to Alina. Thanks for being so hilarious all the time. Even when you make me angry, I know I can't stay mad at you because I'll want to talk to you about something totally random within the next five minutes. I can tell that sometimes you don't always think my stories are funny, but you listen anyways. I love how you like telling me about your French tests or weird television shows. You always put a smile on my face. I just want you to know how awesome you are and how much fun I have spending time with you. Thank you for being my sister, but more importantly, my best friend.

Se Agapo.

My mother, Yiayia, & I!

My Grandma & I!

   I really enjoyed seeing the family on Thanksgiving! I love them all so much! My grandma is leaving for Florida in a few days; I'm really going to miss her, as I won't see her again until March! Unless you truly know her well, you'd never really understand her. I love her attitude towards life. She will never admit to feeling lousy, she always says that she feels as healthy as ever, refusing to accept sickness. I really admire that about her. She is seriously one of the most positive and hilarious people that I know. I feel so blessed to have her in my life. I lover her so much. I can't wait until Easter so I can see her again!
   As we all know, the day after Thanksgiving, "Black Friday", has just about everyone heading out to the stores. Just about all of my relatives fall into this "everyone" category. After Thanksgiving dinner, as everyone settles down and starts on desserts, the pens and papers come out. Aunts and cousins walk around with their little notepads asking each child what is on their Christmas list. With five girls in my immediate family alone, things spiral into chaos rather quickly.
   When the time came that I was asked what I wanted for Christmas, I replied, "I want to be happy." No one really knew what I meant by that. So they asked again, "What can we get you? What's on your list? There's got to be something..." I replied again, "I don't need anything, really. I just want a memorable Christmas." For some reason, no one really understood why I didn't want anything for Christmas. This was a little puzzling for me, seeing as Christmas is not about presents at all, it's about celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Though, inevitably, they continued to ask, for they claimed although I didn't need anything, I must want something. Well, of course I do, everyone always wants a little something new in their life. However, this year, I decided that I am not going to ask for anything. Sure, I could tell people I want that new movie, or the adorable sweater on display, but in a month or two from now, what will I remember more? The gifts in dusty corner of my closet, or a totally amazing Christmas with the family?
   Even after I explained this, they continued to bombard me with questions, "What will you do while everyone else is opening presents?" I told them, "I will give all of you the gifts I have prepared, and watch you all smile." (By the way, the gifts I plan on giving are purely from the heart and not materialistic in any way at all. I am really excited). I found it so strange that people were insistent on discovering what I wanted for Christmas. There was so much focus on what to buy, how much to spend, who gets what gift. I looked at the lists of everyone around me, and I'm not saying I didn't ask, and receive, those same gifts, but I realized that all of the expensive presents in the world cannot give me what I really want. I told them, "You cannot give me what I want. It is not something that can be bought, nor anything any of you can wrap in a box; I don't quite know how to explain it to you, but it's probably not going to happen. All that I ask is that you do something that makes you happy. Make this Christmas memorable. I'm going to college in a year, I just want to have a fun time with the family."
   All I want is to be happy. I want a holiday season I can remember. You cannot purchase something like this in a store, you cannot stuff it in an envelope. Christmas is not about gifts. Christmas is about Jesus Christ. This holiday should be celebrated to glorify Him, not to max out credit cards buying pricey electronics that will soon rot in forgotten drawers. People say that good things come in small packages. I say that the best things don't come in packages at all. They come from the heart.
   Happiness, compassion, love. These gifts cannot be bought, but they will bring the most joy.

"Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart. Rejoice in the LORD, you who are righteous, and praise his holy name"

                                              Psalm 97:11-12

Thank you.

Thank you, all of you, especially You.

   Sometimes, we search for comfort in all the wrong places. I am happy to say I will always have somewhere to turn. Sometimes, we do not tell people what they really mean to us; sometimes, they really need to know. So, here it goes.

Dear All,

   Thank you for listening. Thank you for caring. Thank you for picking me up when I'm down. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. Thank you for helping me find the "silver lining", even when I was convinced it was not there. Thank you for celebrating with me. Thank you for putting me down, for it made me realize that I have a way back up. Thank you for making me realize there are more important things in life. Thank you for telling me I am perfect the way I am. Thank you for staying strong when it is so easy to break down. Thank you for setting a positive example for me. Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face. Thank you for being adorable. Thank you for being forgiving. Thank you for being the most wonderful person I have ever met. Thank you for being everything I cannot. Thank you for existing in my life. Thank you for showing me how to be myself. Thank you for remaining a constant, stable, reliable friend. Thank you, so much, for not leaving me in the dark. Thank you for hurting me, for you only made me stronger. Thank you for every tear, for it has shown me I am human. Thank you for making me wonder, for you have caused me to rely on my faith. Thank you for loving me when I felt so alone. Thank you for never leaving my side. Thank you for showing me a totally different perspective. Thank you for making me feel good. Thank you for making me feel horrible. Thank You for providing for me.

Thank you, everyone.

Give a little.

   As the holiday season approaches, and the gift purchasing begins, I think it is important to think about what exactly we are giving. Sure, the latest and greatest technology has to offer is on every kid's list, but what does it mean? Will they really remember that gift 10 years from now? How important will the iPad be when apple comes out with something new next year? Do the gifts under the tree really mean what we want them to?
   What do you want this holiday season? If it is material culture, you've probably got the wrong idea. Actually, you do have the wrong idea. I am not out to bash any kid who asks for a new toy or fun game, but I believe that I can safely say, gift-giving has gotten way out of hand. What are we trying to accomplish by giving these gifts to our loved ones? Does the Tiffany bracelet really prove your love? Will that flat-screen television fill the hole in your heart? These are the questions we need to be asking ourselves.
   The greatest gift anyone can give is happiness. Happiness does not come from material culture or "prized possessions", it comes from the heart. Why are we celebrating gifts instead of the Lord's birth? Granted, He wasn't actually born in December, but if this is the day we choose to honor His birth, why are we so worried about spending money on expensive gifts that will soon rot in the bottoms of dusty toy bins?
   This holiday season, think about those who are less fortunate. Although they have little, they probably have a much clearer concept on what Christmas actually means. Give someone the gift of love, compassion, happiness. These are gifts that can be cherished for a lifetime, not just a week. When someone asks you what you want for Christmas (or your birthday... this concept can be applied throughout the ENTIRE year), ask them what makes them happy. Tell them you don't need anything, because you probably don't. Show someone else you care. Share whatever joy you have in your life with the others around you. If you can make at least one person smile or understand what the celebration is really about, you have given a gift greater than any amount of money could buy.

Questions.

   What is happiness? Who defines our self-worth? Why do we believe in looking perfect if humans are made with imperfection? Where do we look for these answers? When will we realize that God is the only answer?
   I know that I question myself on a daily basis, and doing so, I feel like I am questioning God's plan. That simply isn't right. God made me a certain way for a reason. I am unique and unlike anyone else on this planet. God loves me. So why can't I see myself the way he sees me? Why can't I just be happy with what he has given me? Because I'm human. A terrible excuse, I know. For that, I am sorry.
   I seek forgiveness for the sins I have committed and continue to commit on a daily basis. Both in thought and deed, I sin. It is a known fact that we, as humans, sin. We brought sin into the world, and we only have ourselves to blame for the imperfections in this world. We cannot judge others on what they wear or how they act, for we are no different. My sins are no different than anyone else's. All sins are seen as equal in God's eyes.
   I love God. I am grateful that he made me who I am. I know he has a plan for me. I trust him completely. I pray that I can stop looking too far ahead and questioning that plan. Patience. Patience. Patience. I will be patient.


   I want to actively show my love for God. God is the most amazing creator in the entire universe. I want people to look at me and see my passion for Him. I want God to shine through me.

So what does it mean?

   Unfortunately, in more ways than one, marriage is becoming obsolete in today's society. Some people don't have the money, others do not see it as necessary, and then there are people who simply do not care. Cohabitation is a trend that seems to be on the rise. The idea of living together before marriage seems like the perfect way to "test drive the car before sealing the deal". While this may seem like a stupendous idea and the perfect way to determine whether or not a marriage will be successful, studies have shown that this is simply not the case. In fact, cohabitation can sometimes cause marriages to be less likely at being successful. If this is the case, why do so many people choose this path? Is marriage just another fading fad? Or are we, as people in this world, ignorant to love and the real purpose for marriage?
   Knowing that God created marriage, what was his purpose? What is his opinion on dating? If the two have different meanings, why do people believe that marriage is unnecessary. Genesis 2:18, 24 says, "And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him and help meet for him...Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
   God sees marriage as a source for salvation. In marriage, a person genuinely cares about another soul, puts someone else's needs first. Marriage is a sacred bond that is not to be toyed with. When a couple performs their vows, they not only make a promise to love and cherish one another to each other, but also to God. Dating is the process by which the relationship is tested, marriage is the promise.
   Cohabitation is not a substitute for marriage. Living together is not the same as being married. In today's society, marriage is not looked upon as seriously as it was decades ago. Marriage is a a lifestyle a person must commit to, it is not perfect, nothing ever is. Though many people claim they do not need marriage to show how they feel, they are wrong. If people believe marriage to be unnecessary, they simply aren't ready to commit. They must not feel as strongly as they say, or they do not know the meaning of marriage. Marriage should not be taking lightly, it is a serious promise and requires full devotion on both parts.
   Marriage is commitment. Marriage is accountability. Marriage is salvation. Marriage is not a ring. Marriage is not a legal obligation. Marriage is not a legal contract. Marriage is a holy covenant with God.
  
   "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
                                                                                                     Matthew 19:6 (NRSV)

For more information (click):

 

Who Needs Marriage? How an American Institution Is changing

The Decline of Marriage And Rise of New Families: Survey results

Sometimes, we all need something to brighten our days.

               (our hotel in Kansas...please note: I am not really a camera person)              
                     
    This just makes me smile. I love the holiday season, I can't wait to see my family next week! I love Thanksgiving because both my mother's and father's (sides of the) family come to our house for dinner. I love seeing everyone smile. Smiling is so contagious, especially when it's truly genuine. What I love most is just feeling the warmth and happiness in the air. I feel so safe and at home during this time of the year. I am so blessed to be part of such a loving family. As crazy as they can be sometimes, I wouldn't trade them for anyone else in this world.

Today I witnessed something called the "Clothesline Project". It was actually quite interesting. Survivors, or those who didn't, of abuse and rape were recognized by t-shirts that told their stories. While looking at the shirts, different sounds were made to represent statistics of abuse, rape, and murder. As I read the various t-shirts, some of the stories were truly amazing.
   What stood out to me most were those who wrote they had found God and were so grateful to be free. I commend those who are able to be so strong in their faith, and I am truly, truly thankful that I have never been tested in such a way. I think that it is totally amazing that those people are able to remain strong and faithful in times of such despair. However, I came across one shirt that flat out blamed God for everything they had been through. At that point, I stopped reading t-shirts. I was done. Of all the stories I read about rape, incest, and abuse, the shirt that insulted my God was the most offensive. I was so upset.
   I know that I cannot possibly understand how awful their situation must have been, but to blame God? Of all people, to blame the creator who loves all of us eternally? I can only hope they realize that it is not his fault this awful sin exists in our world, but our own. Adam and Eve brought sin into the world, humans brought sin into the world, NOT God. We are imperfect, as we sin on a daily basis. WE are not deserving of HIS love. God did not bring this tragedy into the world, we did; and that is something we must seek forgiveness for everyday.

   Sometimes, I need to be protected from myself. I let myself get caught up in my ideal world and sometimes, it interferes with the real world. It's not fair to God for me to wonder what his reasons are. I should automatically follow and trust him completely. Yet, I constantly find myself searching for answers, hoping for signs, when what I should really be doing is being patient. Impatience is what got me into trouble the first time, so why am I making the same mistake twice? I totally trust that God has a plan for me, of course he does. But sometimes, I create these images, visions, that may or may not come true. Sometimes, I need to be brought back down to reality because I am the only person who can hurt "me". What other people say do not matter, because I know that God will always love me. However, if I keep searching for answers that I am not meant to find, I am only hurting myself. I need to be patient. I need to stay faithful. I need to be protected. I don't want to let myself fall, even though God will catch me, I shouldn't let things escalate to that point.

                                                      2010 Scratching Post Staff!
   We attended a convention this past weekend in Kansas City. It was seriously the best field trip I have ever been on. I had such a great time, and I learned so much! I made so many memories that I will never forget! I loved every second of that weekend: plane rides, seminars, adventures, calling my sisters - you name it, I loved it! I feel like I had the opportunity to bond and learn about all of my fellow staff members. I feel so blessed that I was able to spend the weekend with such awesome people, and I cannot wait resume work on this issue of the paper! I loved everything about this trip. I am so thankful for every minute I spent in Kansas and I hope there are more group outings in the future!

& sometimes I wonder what you're thinking.

   I am thankful that I have something, anything, to be thankful for. I'm glad that I have a God who listens to me and a home that welcomes me. I am especially grateful that I have the privilege of attending church every Sunday, I have a place of worship where no one can tell me I'm wrong. I live in a world where I can have a different opinion, and I am justified. Even when things are going downhill, I know that they will start moving uphill sometime in the future. Downhill is only an adventure given to me to test my faith. I can't say I enjoy such an adventure, but I know I can only become stronger from it. I am just thankful to be thankful, thankful to be heard, thankful to be saved.


   "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
                                                                                          Romans 5:8

Why.

   Christianity is more than just a set of beliefs for me, Christianity is my faith and a lifestyle choice I have made and completely commit to. The Nicene Creed outlines the basic principles of Christianity: “I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible…” (The Nicene Creed). In Sunday school, when I was taught the Creed, my teacher told me that if anyone ever asked me what I believed, I should recite the Creed to them. When I wondered why I should ever have to memorize this or even want to recite these words to anyone, I realized that God extends His glory and offers His love to every person on this earth. God loves everyone, and as a Christian, I have an obligation to share His joy with the world; I would be selfish to keep His love to myself (Primicerio). I find His love to be incredibly overwhelming: God loves me. No matter what I do, He will never turn his back on me. I do not deserve His compassion, for I am a sinner, imperfect; but he shows mercy on me anyway. Because of His magnitude, I try my best to live a life that reflects the life of Jesus. I can only maintain such a lifestyle if I have faith in God. By living my life for God and expressing humility, I will consistently grow closer to Him, and He will give me the strength I need to share His love with others. His love can be expressed through my every day actions; I am merely an act dancing on an enormous stage, performing for the world and hoping that I can show them the glory of God (Primicerio). With all that God has given me and will continue to present to me, the least I can do is live my life for Him and not myself.

   As a Christian, I look at the world with an entirely different perspective. In today’s society, passing judgment and holding hatred toward another is not uncommon. Too often, people take one look at a person and decide he or she is a snob, poor, unintelligent, rude, a criminal, the list continues without an end. Despite the judgments people pass, Matthew 4:44-45, 48 says, “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven…Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”  Not only does this verse advocate that love should be expressed for all humankind, but the idea of living a Godly life is reinstated as well; living out each day in God’s footsteps and in His name, I can show Him that I truly am grateful for everything He has done for me. If all humans were created in God’s image, why then, do too many people in this world feel they are better than others? Why bother wasting time feeling angry and upset with someone when reconciling could bring joy for a lifetime. Matthew 7:2 says, “For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get.” God treats all of His children equally, and everyone has a place in His heart. I want to live every day with no regrets, and accepting people for who they are is key to achieving this goal. By hating another human, animal, or an element of nature, I would hate one of God’s creations. Everything God created has a special kind of beauty and a specific purpose: I am in no position to question His will.

   Understanding God’s plan can be an extremely difficult task. Patience. In order to be Christian, I have found that I need to have patience. Throughout the course of life, various circumstances arise that may cause myself, or a person in general, to question God’s will or simply feel alone. Death, sickness, and crime. What could God be trying to communicate? Every day poses a new challenge that can seem impossible to overcome. I have been in situations that have left me confused and conflicted, and I honestly do not know where to turn. As I think about my problems, I remember I am never alone. God will never turn his back on me, He loves me unconditionally, and He will forever guide my path. Psalm 23:1, 4 says, “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want…Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff – they comfort me.” Metaphors exist throughout the Bible and stress the importance of God’s influence; as a shepherd, God guides the path of those who choose to follow him. I have no reason to be afraid of the future because God always has a plan, even when I do not. Matthew 6:34 says, “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Trying to look too far ahead will not strengthen my relationship with God or provide me with answers. The only solution to worrying and impatience is prayer. Nothing will ever be too complicated or insignificant in His eyes.

   “Ask and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened,” (Matthew 7:7-8). God always has a plan and He will always provide. Although I am unworthy of His love and His mercy, He shares with me anyway. He is selfless and accepts all children in His kingdom. I cannot thank Him enough for all He has given me and all that He will give me. His love is never ending, and for that I am eternally grateful; I feel blessed that I was able to connect with Him at such an early age. Without a doubt, I would not be even half the person I am today if I had never experienced God’s love. Nothing in this world is more powerful.

My sisters are hilarious. While sometimes, doing my homework is totally impossible due to the ridiculous noise level, but some days, I really like the entertainment. Having a four year old has its us and downs, and today I saw both. It was hilarious to watch her disagree with everything my sister, Alina, said. It really made me cheer up a bit. I love them both dearly and I can't imagine what I would do without them. I am really grateful that I have so many people in my house that I can turn to for advice. I love them all and I couldn't ask for anyone better.

I am grateful to have numerous people in my life who share my beliefs. I feel like I always have someone to talk to when I am unsure or confused. God provides.

Although I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen, and I am totally and completely frustrated, I have so much to be thankful for. These past few days, I have been studying poverty and the impact it has around the globe. I have realized that I am truly blessed to have even a home. I have a family who supports me and a God who loves me. I am grateful that I do not have to sleep on a pad in a foreign place every night or wonder where I will find my next meal. I don't think I have ever appreciated my house as much as I have over the past few days. I am just thankful to be who I am, even if that means dealing with the messy imperfections.

No. It's really not okay anymore, actually, it never was. Seriously, I'm sick of this.

NEW.

TODAY: Instead of listing three things that I am thankful for, I am going to list one thing each day & say why I am thankful for that.

1.) I am thankful that I had the privilege in participating in cross country this year. It was an incredibly amazing season. I was taking times at the Sectional race today and everybody did a fantastic job! I had so much fun at practice every single day: I looked forward to the 3:15 bell because I knew that I would see my teammates soon after it rang. I am also thankful that I had such amazing coaches. They were extremely supportive throughout each and every race. I don't think my high school experience would be the same without this sport. Today was the last of my xc days, and although I'm incredibly sad, I'm also really happy to have all of the wonderful and happy memories that I do. I am closer with a lot of people from my team that I probably never would have met if I did not join, and I am also so much closer with my sister. That is certainly something to rejoice about! I love that I can tell her just about anything, and I really hope she feels the same. Overall, I'd say that joining cross country was one of the best decisions I have made during high school.

Volunteering.

   After volunteering at PADS a few nights ago, I am much more grateful for what I do have. I love my bed, my clothes, my blankets, and especially the fact that I have a home. I am so grateful to be blessed with a loving family supported by a stable income. I am glad that I don't have to move from shelter to shelter.
   Setting up beds and serving meals to those who were staying for the night really opened my eyes. Everyone I served food to was so grateful to be at the shelter. I realized that I am not always as grateful as I should be about being at my own home. I have so many luxuries and privileges that I don't appreciate as much as I should. That is going to change...
(to be continued)

Friday (late again).

1.) Friday... It was so nice to finally be done with the week. I felt totally relieved, even though I have a lot of homework to do & such, it was nice to just relax and have fun.

2.) I am thankful that I have the strength and help from God to make positive life decisions.

3.) Things are improving... I am being patient... I'm just glad that I know God has a plan for me.

1.) Today, I volunteered at a local PADS sight. It was a really uplifting experience, and I realize how fortunate I am to have what I do. I am just grateful to live where I do and own what I own...
(follow up soon to come)

2.) I am slowly returning back to normal. I don't know how long this process will take or what challenges I may face... But I am making progress.

3.) God is always watching out for me. I can feel his presence when I smile or remember something that makes me wince. I love that I know he is there. I never have to feel alone.

Trust take two.

   I told myself I understood God's plan, or at least part of it, and I do... I think. I trust him, because I know that he will provide me with what I need. I will never be alone or left with a situation I am not capable of dealing with. I just wish that I could know... I know I need to be patient, but sometimes, it's really difficult to wait for something that might not even be worth waiting for. I know that in the end things will work out and whatever happens is for the best, but I can't help but wonder what "the best" thing really is. All I can do is wait, all I ever do is wait. I suppose that waiting is something I am used to at this point. So, in the grand scheme of things, what's a little longer?

   What's funny is while writing this, I feel like God gave me just what I needed. Something just kind of clicked... and I know things will work out. I have trust, I do. God works in mysterious ways, it's amazing. I can't even begin to comprehend the God's knowledge and the love he has for me. All I know is that as long as I stick with him, He will provide.


                        thank you, God, for always having an answer and never turning Your back.

1.) I am really enjoying writing my causal analysis paper. It keeps me thinking about why I believe the way I do and challenges me to stay strong with my faith.

2.) My sister is hilarious. She can always put a smile on my face when I'm feeling down.

3.) I am having a much better week than last week... I'm trusting God and things seem to be going well.

you may be the reason that I smile, but you're also the reason that I don't.

1.) Today went fairly well. I actually feel normal again. This week is off to a great start and I am looking forward to see what else lies ahead.

2.) I finished my college applications! Well, all of my early action applications (which are the schools I am most strongly considering) are officially COMPLETE! Takes a load off... now, scholarships...

3.) I love remembering God's love for me, and smiling. I love how He can subtly send us messages, especially when we least expect it. I am so blessed to have such an awesome God.

"I love you, O Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, so I shall be saved from my enemies.
The cords of death encompassed me; the torrents of perdition assailed me;
the cords of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me.
In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears."
                                                                                       Psalm 18:1-6 (NRSV) 

1.) I feel connected! I really feel like I am in tune with my faith.

2.) I am really excited that I can FINALLY participate in "Project Mexico"! I am so pumped for this summer!

3.) While things are far from perfect, I am happy... I haven't been totally cheery and upbeat lately, but something about this week is making me feel good. I don't know why, but I'm just excited for life.