remembering isn't always a bad thing.

Overwhelmed by stress and frustration. I wish things were simpler, I wish things worked out the way I planned them, I wish that more of my wishes came true. 

Right now, what I need more than anything, is a hug from my Grams. I miss her like crazy. Every time I think about the holiday season, I'm excited to celebrate; but it's always followed by feelings of grief and sadness because I know she won't be there. Everyday is a new day, it's a new first day without being able to hear her voice. I wish it wasn't like this. I get angry because I think it's unfair, and I am always confused as to why she can't be here for me; but then I realize how selfish that is. It is quite possible that, for her, moving on to heaven was in her best interest. Maybe she really was struggling to hold on to her life on earth so that she could be with her family longer. She never put her own needs before anyone else's. I suppose it's learning to cope with that understanding of the situation that is the most difficult. I know that moving to a better life is what she needed, but that doesn't mean I was ready to let her go. 

I think the reason I've been thinking about this so much lately is because I'm at a new school, starting over. Last year I remember getting singing cards and cute letters from her by this point in the year, I could go for a walk throughout campus and giver her a call just to catch up. It's hard not being able to do that anymore. It's even harder to come to terms with the fact that I'll never be able to do that again, at least not literally. 

People always say, 'it's going to be okay, you know she's always with you,' and I know they're right, but that doesn't make it easy. I love walking around wearing her cross, it's something that makes me feel like she's always with me and close to my heart. It's something that reminds me I'm not alone, I have the greatest guardian angel anyone could ever ask for. It reminds me that she is one of the greatest gifts God could have ever given me. 

When I'm feeling down, all I need to do is look up and know that she is up there with God watching over me, and that brings me comfort in her passing. 

Some people might think that because it was so long ago, I should have come to terms with her passing by this point; but death isn't something anyone ever really accepts. People learn to live their lives as best they can without their loved ones, but they never forget what it felt like to lose them. Carrying on gets easier and harder at the same time, but the best way to get through it is to continue looking up and never forget who is watching over you with more love than anyone could possibly fathom.

Sometimes staying strong is the hardest part.

I love you & miss you like crazy Grams.

Time is Love.

e

Time is love, yes. Every second of the day, we should be expressing our love, not only to our loved ones, but also to everyone around us. Love isn't just the bond between two people who care about each other, love isn't just the bond between families. Love goes so far beyond anything we can fathom here on this earth. Love is what brings people together and tears them apart. Love is so incredibly powerful, love is bigger than all of us. 

Regardless of what our personal opinions of others are, everyone deserves to be loved. While we don't always realize it, we are spreading love on a daily basis. Whether it's offering a hand to someone in need or directly telling someone "I love you," we are sharing the greatest gift we have been given. 

It is easy so share love with those we care about and enjoy being around; however, showing kindness to our enemies is a much more difficult task. How willing is anyone to go out of their way to help someone they know would never help them? How willing would we be to offer kindness towards someone who gives cruelty in return? What we don't always realize is what a person might be feeling underneath the surface. That cruelty we see in another might stem from an emptiness inside of them that only love can fill. 

Love stems from something much stronger than anyone walking on this earth. Love can make people do crazy things, act in ways that seem absolutely ridiculous to anyone else. That's what is so beautiful about love. In the eyes of the beholder, doing something out of love is natural, nothing out of the ordinary. Love gives people hope. Love gives people a reason to believe there is more to life than darkness. Love is the greatest gift anyone can ever give. Love is one of the simplest gestures that can make the strongest difference.

Love will never be outdated. Love will never seem silly. Love will always be something people search for. Love will always be one of the few things that connects everyone on this earth. Love is what changes us for the better. Love is what causes us to think about others' needs before our own. Love is what brings us some of the happiest and most important pieces of our lives together. Love brings us to life. Everyone is entitled to love.

I am incentive, I have a tendency to pay more attention to the things I need...Some times I test your trust, I dunno why do you stay with me? I'm hard to love... I don't make it easy...I don't deserve it but I love that you love me.

 -LB

I did it for us.

I love this song :]

Even if this song is simple and probably wasn't meant to be dissected, it just really makes me think about my life & what I have. It makes me think of what I do just to make my boyfriend happy; but that makes me think of everything he does to make me happy. I probably don't think about what I can do to make him happy half as much as he tells me that my happiness will always come before his. I will admit, that I get very annoyed with this at times and think he is overly attached and clingy. Sometimes I wonder if he is just so caught up in love he doesn't see me flaws. 

I have never met anyone quite like him.

Sometimes I feel guilty because I know there is unbalance. I know he loves me & cares for this relationship more than I do. I feel guilty because the distance gets to me so easily, I become frustrated with the little things so much more often than he does. I can honestly say that no matter what I do, he will never tell me I am wrong or place any blame on me. For some reason that I will probably never understand, this guy sees me as the most perfect and wonderful thing in this world. I don't know how or what I did to make him fall for me. I don't understand why he feels that way, I am far from perfect. I certainly don't remind him that I love him as much as he reminds me.

I understand that he cares about me. a lot. It's obvious. I just don't understand why, especially when I get annoyed at him for loving me so much. What kind of a girlfriend does that make me? I'm annoyed at my boyfriend for being in love with me? And on top of that, he STILL falls more and more in love with me every day. 

If you're reading this and don't know me very well, you probably think I'm insane and delusional; but if you know my boyfriend, you'd know I'm not exaggerating, not even a little. 

I suppose love works in mysterious ways. I suppose you could say I have what most girls dream of having. You'd probably be right. Though being the skeptical and critical person I am, I still find flaws with this boy. I mean if I'm unhappy, I'm not afraid to say it & when I'm angry with the way things are going, I have no problem voicing my opinion. While initially my boyfriend doesn't act all nice and sweet and happy, by the end of the conversation, he ends up taking all the responsibility... even when I know it's my problem not his. I have never met someone who would literally do anything just to be with another person. I've never been with someone willing to fight so hard for me. 

I suppose what I'm getting that is I really should be more grateful. I have this incredible guy who never wants to see me go, and all I do is find problems with our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I take him for granted. What happens when he finally realizes I'm not worth all the trouble? It will probably be too late at that point. If I don't quit pushing him away, eventually he'll really be gone. Now I know he says that will never happen, but I know it will. I'm not sure why I have this cynical view of relationships. I don't know why I'm so convinced I don't deserve to have someone who loves me the way he does.

I would just like to point out that I am not a horrible girlfriend. It's just lately, I've been getting upset at things that never bothered me in the past. I would also like to mention that I do tell me boyfriend I love him & send cute gestures his way, just not as frequent as he sends them my way. I guess what I really want to know is if there's something wrong with me. I mean, I have this guy who will do anything I ask, but I still find problems with him. He tends to worry about everything, to the point where it's incredibly excessive. Though when I think about it, I know he's only worried about my safety and happiness. And, in his defense, he's gotten a lot better about freaking out less over the past half a year or so.

So what do I do?

Well, I really just needed to sort through my thoughts. I'm glad that we are taking things one day at a time, it's definitely making LDR much easier. I'm trying not to be so skeptical or look too far ahead. I'm going to try and focus on the present, the now, doing my part to make this a happy relationship; because that's what it should be, happy. I never realized how complicated things would be when we went away to school. I never even imagined myself dating him in the first place. I can honestly say I don't have any regrets. I'm glad we got together. I have grown & learned so much about myself and what love really means throughout this relationship. I can only hope that I can continue to grow and learn, but this time, I hope that we grow together & walk on the same path. I think this is going to be good for us.

a new year, a new beginning

I've been here at Illinois State for about a month and I absolutely love it. I love the campus, I love the people, I love my apartment, I just love being happy. I will say that I miss all of my friends & sisters at Marquette, but I don't miss Marquette. I don't miss Milwaukee, I don't miss the noise, I don't miss the Milwaukee Public Transit, I don't miss the small campus, I don't miss feeling lost. 

I feel like I belong here, I feel part of something, I feel so much happier here than I ever did at Marquette. I am scared, though. I'm scared of falling behind or losing myself. Everything is so different here, it's out of my norm and usual comfort zone; but that's exactly what I was looking for. I need somewhere that I can be comfortable being uncomfortable, and I've found that here. 

I have a fresh start, a new beginning, a new place to make friends and keep the old. I love the fresh air and the open space. I love sitting on the quad and taking in the beauty all around me. I love this feeling. 

I am looking forward to everything these next two and a half years have to offer, I know I'll be happy here, and I know I made the right decision.

I do miss my family. It's harder being further away. It's probably a good thing though. I need to build a life and community with people here. I don't want to want to leave. I want to be here and be happy about it. I want to miss being here over semester breaks. I want to feel like I am at home away from home.

I am looking forward to the different clubs I am a part of. I joined a service fraternity, and I'm really excited to help out the community and make new friends along the way. I'm part of the honors program, which has really motivated me to work hard and keep my grades up. I'm joining some different teacher organizations which will be really helpful when I start looking for student teaching positions. I'm also looking for a Christian community to join because I really want to feel connected and have people I can talk to and grow with.

While this was a drastic change and something completely new, I do not have any regrets. I only wish that I could share my experiences with my Grams. I miss her more and more every day. When I join a new club or walk to classes, I wish I could call her and tell her all about it. I know she sees how happy I am and she's always with me, but it's hard not being able to talk to her. It's hard knowing she's not here anymore. I know this feeling is never going to go away, but that's okay. I'd rather remember the happy moments even if it makes me sad. I'd rather have her with me in my heart, even if it reminds me I don't have her with me on earth. I know she is the best guardian angel I could have ever asked for. I'm also sad that I won't have Sister Joan around to make me smile and giggle over the holidays and teach me family history in a way only she knows how. I'm happy to have them both as guardian angels, but life here without them will never be the same. I miss them and love them both very much.

I would like to thank God for giving me the opportunity to challenge myself and  find happiness where I was least expecting it. I am so grateful to be here, and I know I could not be where I am today if I did not have my faith as the foundation for my life.

Kali Anastasi

Tonight's service was absolutely beautiful. Holy week is my favorite week of services. I always feel so moved after leaving, I feel so grateful for all that I have and all that awaits me in the future. I do not know what else to say other than thank You, for everything.

always thinking of you.

I know that you aren't there, but where you rest is a peaceful place. Your grave may bring sorrow, but it also brings comfort. I can't seem to function anymore without you. I'm so out of tune with this world, I'm so frazzled, I don't know what to do. I wish I could talk to you, I wish I could hug you, I wish I could hear your beautiful voice and see your cheerful face in a few days, but I cannot. I never thought it would be this hard, but I never thought it would be easy either.

I think about you everyday, all the time, you're always on my mind. I can't imagine living without you but somehow I am. I can't imagine this world without you because I know you're still here. Somehow, in some way, you are still here. Your beauty lives on, you love never fails, your compassion is unending. You're a saint in my eyes, you truly are the epitome of a wonderful life. You never once questioned God, you never once spoke evil of others, you constantly sought forgiveness, and you never ever failed to share your love, happiness, and joy with the rest of the world. It pains me to think I'll never hear your voice or you little chuckle for the rest of my time here on earth. It hurts to know that I'll never share some of life's biggest milestones with you. I will never forget you Grams. never. You're the kind of person who can never be erased from memory. You've touched so many lives and brightened so many days it's almost unreal. But you were real, and you are real. You are an incredible woman, an inspiration, and I will do my best to relive the happy and not be overwhelmed with the sad.

confusion?

I fell behind, I was caught up, I was too engaged yet too far astray.

the best things in life aren't things at all.

cherish the moment, live for today, but don't let tomorrow seem too far away.

flawed. I'm flawed, we're all flawed. people screw up, I know I do. sometimes, people become angry for no apparent reason, and sometimes that reason is unknown to everyone else in the world except that one person. we can never truly and fully understand another person unless we can learn to fully understand ourselves. with that understanding, we must learn to accept ourselves before we can give our heart or any part of us to another person. if we dive in too quickly or fall too hard to fast, we lose part of ourselves in the process. instead of sharing we are missing something, instead of understanding we are constantly frazzled and confused, instead of having situations play out the way we believe they should, we are left alone and confused, searching for answers. compromise is the last thing on out minds because we are too concerned with ourselves and why we are hurting, but we fail to see or acknowledge that someone else is hurting too. in order to be one, two people have to have both self-acceptance and self-understanding. only then will communication between the two be effective.

Things have a way of working out. Things will get better, things do get better. Eventually, if you give them time and patience, things fall into place.

3 months today.

I can't believe it's only been three months. It feels like so much longer. I miss you so much, Grams. Words cannot describe your beauty, they cannot express my sadness, they do not even begin to explain how much everyone truly  misses you. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met and ever will meet. I am absolutely, 100% certain that I will never meet another soul quite like your own. Nobody else has your patience, compassion, and understanding. I just miss you Grams, so much. I love you.

new beginnings.

Here's to Forgiveness Sunday & the start of Lent.

I'm starting over, although I know I can't exactly do that until the end of this year, I'm doing what I can for the meantime. This new beginning is a new journey, it's a fresh start for all. I am going to do everything in my power to avoid negative feelings, I know it might be difficult and it might be inconvenient, but I know it's the only way to be happy. I'm really glad you've figured things out and have everything just the way you like it, but just because something works for you, doesn't mean it works for everyone else. I'm going to put the past in the past and start over. Starting over means letting go, and I'm letting go of what might have been there and what had potential to exist. It's over and done. We are strangers who live together. It's okay though, I've come to accept the fact that this is the way things are now, and I promise once this year ends, you'll never have to see me again. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I truly believe this is the only way to move on. I'm just not sure I can stand reliving all that went wrong in order to make things right. I think too much damage has been done at this point, I'm sorry. Please forgive me for what I have done to upset you, but trust me when I say I won't be a bother anymore. I don't mean this in a way to seek guilt, sympathy, or apologies. I truly mean it when I say I'm done, and in a few short months, we will both be problem-free.

appreciate your loved ones before they're gone.

Tonight, we are young...

"So let's set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the sun."

We only live once, we're only young once. We only have one shot at this life, only one chance to make things right.

Stand up for what you believe, tell people how you feel, don't keep things in. Be honest, be upfront, be beautiful, be you.

I miss you.

I miss you so much grams. I wish you were here, I wish I could hear your voice, I wish I could see your face in something more than a picture. I love and miss you so much grams. I am so happy you're in a better place, but I just miss you. I need you grams. Please be with me grams, give me your strength, give me your love, give me your compassion, give me your understanding. I love you grams, so much. I know you're smiling down on me. Happy birthday.

Look forward, not back. Think about what can be done, not why something did not happen. Be concerned not with others, but yourself. Think about what you can do to better your own situation, not what others have done to hinder it. Things happen for reasons we are unaware of. Everything has a way of working out. Faith, trust, love, and strength through God can solve any problem.

Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday to the world’s most beautiful woman. I only wish I had the opportunity to celebrate it with you. I know that this is the first birthday for you, in quite some time, that you are able to celebrate pain-free and in a place of peace. I know it’s been almost three months now, but I remember everything like it was yesterday. I miss you grams, I have trouble picturing my future and the ups and down it holds without having you by my side. I wish you could be here with me when I graduate college, when I start my first job, when I walk down the aisle, when I have my first child, when I take another step forward in my life. I really wish I could share it with you. You were always ecstatic to hear about my day or what I had to say no matter how insignificant it may have been. Two years ago, my sisters and I wrote you letters for your birthday. I keep mine in my wallet now, I was so surprised you kept them, considering I hadn’t remembered even writing my own. Every little thing mattered so much to you. The reason you were able to stay positive despite the circumstances is because you only saw the beauty in life. You only saw everything wonderful, you were not phased by the little things, you were not upset by life’s minor detours. You constantly proved to me that happiness can overcome all feelings of anger if that happiness is supported with love. The love you’ve shown for every person you were in contact with is incredible. I’m still in awe with your patience, compassion, and infinite understanding. Grandma, I love you. Happy birthday to you, I’m so happy that you are in a place of comfort and peace, though I will always hold a bit of sadness that you cannot be here with me.

I'd love for you to make me wonder...

... where it's going.

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you? Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
...Finding someone else you can't get enough of, someone who wants to be with you too...


Even if we're sure, we're never really be certain of what the future holds for us. I'm so excited to embark on this journey with you. I'm so happy to have found you and to know that you feel as strongly about me as I feel about you. Although we fight, it makes us stronger, I know that whatever the future holds, I will always have you with me to help me through it, because no matter how much we argue or how I angry I am with you, not being with you would be far too painful to endure over a few fights. I'm not sure what will happen to us, but I know that whatever does, we are able to embrace the future together.

you need to understand that we're apart. you need to understand that I love you. you need to understand that I do care. you need to understand that because we're apart, I can't always be there exactly when you need, but I do try. you need to understand that because I love you, because I care about you that things will be okay. if you don't trust me, if you freak out, if you cause problems, that only hinders our relationship. it prevents us from growing together, it prevents us from moving forward, it prevents us from being happy. it's impossible to talk when we can't reason, and it's impossible to reason when we're both upset. please, for me, try to stay calm. please, for me, know that I love you and that if you truly love & trust me, you wouldn't do this. okay, darling? please, just know that for me.

Cheers.

Cheers to the most beautiful woman I have ever me. Cheers to the most wonderful lady to walk the earth. Cheers to the kind of mother I hope to be. Cheers to the world's greatest grandmother. Cheers to a beautiful soul, a beautiful soul that is in peace now, a beautiful soul that is no longer in pain. Cheers to the woman I aspire to be. Cheers to you, grams, cheers to you.

happy little things.

Today was a good day, no today is a good day. I can't wait for everything the future holds; spring break, formal, our anniversary. I'm so excited to spend my days with you. I love you. Thank you for all that you do.

sisterhood, friendship.

it's important to have people in your life that you are comfortable being around. it's important to know who your friends are and to know what makes you happy. it's important to know who will stand by your side, through thick and thin. it's important to know who will always treat you right, even when it isn't easy.

Valentine's Day.

It's valentine's day & I miss you. I wish you were here. I wish I was there. I wish I could see you whenever I want. I wish I could hold you, kiss you, hug you, cuddle, snuggle all the time. When I walk around campus and see other couples, a little tiny part of my cries on the inside because I wish that could be us. It pains me to see couples who don't treat one another right, who don't understand how great they have it, who don't cherish their time, who don't make use of their time, who don't realize how lucky they are. 

If you were here or I were there, I would hold you, see you everyday, give you infinite hugs and kisses, cuddle fest every night, snuggle fest every weekend, go on dates, study with you, talk to you, just be happy with you. I miss you, love. I am so thankful to have you in my life, but I'm also so saddened that we are so far apart. 

Thank you for never leaving my side & always promising to fight. To fight for me, to fight for us, to fight for love, our love, our relationship, our future. I love you more than words can say, and I'm so happy to have you in my life on this Valentine's day.

my best friend.

I love that even though we are miles & miles apart, I love how we can still talk to each other about anything. I miss you, girl! I also love how we have such relatable problems/situations... It makes me so happy. I am so glad that we are still friends, & I know that we will always be best friends. I love you! & You'll definitely be in my wedding. You're always there when I need to talk, no matter how weird or crazy the situation may be, I know you'll never judge me, and I know I can always count on you. Thank you for being a friend, my very best friend.

Happiness.

It's all about happiness. We are constantly looking for happiness. Once we stop looking, we find exactly what we were searching for and more. It's the unexpected moments in life that leave us breathless, and it's the spontaneous surprises that leave us speechless. 

the most wonderful feeling in the world.

I am head over heels in love, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I never realized how truly incredible my boyfriend is until he came and surprised me. I never realized how much he loves me and how much I take our relationship for granted. I love him so much, and I now know how truly incredible he is. 

When I pictures myself happy, I never thought it'd come true in this way. I never thought I'd find a guy who has so much love for me, who sees me in such a beautiful light, who cares about me more than anyone else. I never expected to fall so hard so fast, I never expected to feel so loved. I never expected to feel so special, so important.

Love truly is the most wonderful feeling in the world, and I am so thankful that I am able to share it with someone who feels exactly the same way as I do. Words cannot describe how happy he makes me, words cannot describe how much I love him, and words cannot explain how evident it is that he truly cares about me too.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return."

-Nature Boy

There is so much truth in that statement.

Blessed.

I am so incredibly fortunate to be blessed with so many loving people in my life.

I am blessed to have an incredibly loving boyfriend, who traveled over eight hours just to have our first Valentine's Day date.

I am blessed to have a loving family who baked me cookies, and sent me fruit and cards for valentines day.

 I am blessed to be so happy living in this crazy, beautiful life.

I am blessed.

Lovely, I love you.

This is the first year I've had a valentine, and I didn't think I would get to see him. But today he surprised me and reminded me of all the wonderful reasons why I love him. I could not be happier. Yesterday was an amazing day and will be something I never forget.

Prince Charming.

We all have our own version of Prince Charming. Sometimes, we think we've found him, only to discover he is not who we once thought he was. But when we do find him, we just know. A girl always knows. No matter what she says or cares to admit, when she knows, she knows.

I met my Prince Charming on April 22, 2011. I'm not saying he's perfect, but he is just right for me. I'm not saying we never fight or have problems, because we've had our fair share of disputes. Though in the end we always find a way to make it work, because we love each other. Often times, I've heard the question, "is love enough?" My answer to that questions is this: Love will always be enough, as long as you are ready to fully embrace the power of love. Love works in mysterious ways. Love comes in many forms, but at the end of the day, love is what we strive for. Love is what we look for. Love is what we find when we are finally ready to open our hearts and let love in.

I want to take this time to say thank you. I am so grateful to have met you, you have changed my life in more ways than one. I can honestly say that my summer and college experience would not be the same without you. I love you. You make me so happy, and I cherish every moment we are together, even when we fight, even when we yell; we yell because we care, we fight because we hurt, and for that, I am grateful. I am grateful for this because it means we are not afraid to tell each other how we feel or what we're thinking, it means we love each other enough to fight for our love. 

Thank you.

xoxo.

I love you.

Times of crisis show us so much more about the people we are & the impact we have on others than we realize. People come together in hard times, in sad times. How we deal with unpleasantries reveals our true character.

The brick walls are there for a reason...

... The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They're there to stop the other."

--- Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

In life, we will be constantly faced with obstacles, that much is inevitable. However, how we deal with these obstacles is entirely up to us. We can shy away and hide in our own little bubbles, or we can stand up and face our problems with an optimistic attitude. Sometimes, we feel like we won't be able to make it through, sometimes we feel like things are so bad, they can't possibly get better anytime soon. What we fail to realize is that there is constantly beauty all around us. We are never given more than we can handle. God knows us better than we know ourselves, and He will never give a situation we are unable to deal with. At the end of the day, everything will turn out to be okay.  

one.

Hey, so it's been one year. One year since it happened. It's been one year, and I never thought I'd make it. But guess what, I did. I found strength where I thought none existed, I found love where I never imagined to, I found myself while lost in my own sorrows, I found happiness after a sadness I thought would never end. I'm okay now. I'm disappointed, but I'm okay. I'm thankful, too. It was a learning experience. I am not glad I was hurt, but I'm glad I was able to grow. I'm thankful for what I've learned about love, happiness, and myself. I'm thankful for all that this experience as taught me and for the joy it has led me to. I'm thankful to have met you, even if it meant being hurt by him.

Thank you, for everything, I love you.

Dear God,

Thank you for all that you have taught me and all that I will continue to learn. I am grateful for it all.

The days are long, but the time is short.

How is it possible that days can drag on, yet time always goes by so fast. It seems as if before you know it, the moment is gone, and you're left with the memories. Memories are strong, memories are powerful, memories can do so much for us. We remember the bad, the sad, just as much as we remember the happy, the glad. What does that say? Tragedy is as powerful an emotion as ecstasy? Sometimes, the things we are grateful for turn into the things that cause us the most pain. It's so strange how one moment we are so sure of one thing, and the next it seems so unreal. It

Time goes by, yes; time is a remedy. In time, all wounds are healed. In time, we make sense of our sorrow, we make sense of our pain, we make sense of our everything. We come to conclusions, we try to understand, what, in some cases, is not meant to be understood.

I am thankful for every precious moment I spend on this earth and the gift of life that I have been blessed with, even if I don't always feel that way at the time.

"And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe in the gospel."
Mark 1:15

Olivia.

It was so sad saying goodbye to my little sister today. We spent all weekend together hanging out and playing around. I had so much fun, she wanted to live with me at college... how cute. I lover her so much & I am really going to miss her. She was so well behaved, I hope she comes and visits, I don't want to have to wait until spring break to see her! I am so blessed to have such a lovely gift in my life, who also happens to be hilarious.

childhood.

When having fun was enjoying the little things, when stress didn't exist, when happiness was always a given, when anger was over extra dessert, when love always meant hugs and kisses, when being sad never lasted more than five minutes, when imagination made every day more interesting, when creativity was not afraid, when everything was innocent and ever so simple.

& then you realize, sometimes everything you're most afraid of becomes a reality.

It's okay not to be okay.

"Meekness, temperance; against such there is now law" 

Galatians 5:23

It's okay to fall, it's okay to be imperfect, it's okay to not always be okay. We all have those days, when everything seems like it's falling apart, when tomorrow doesn't appear to be a new start. We've all been through hardship, we've all shed a few tears. It's okay, though. No one said making it on this earth would be easy. However, the way we carry ourselves through these times truly reveals our character. Patience, understanding, faith, and trust all display traits that God has taught us. We may not always feel like we can get through something, we may feel angry, we may feel lost; but patience, humility, seeking God in times of need; that is what truly gets us through, and nobody has the right to say otherwise.

Love.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about love. Love makes people do crazy things, in a good way of course (usually). Love makes people put everything out on the line, they risk it all in hopes that their feelings for another person will be returned. Love is beautiful, but love is dangerous. Love is risky, but its rewards are more abundant than any other feeling or achievement in the world. 

Love comes in a variety of forms. Sometimes, love is right before our very eyes and we fail to see it. Love works in mysterious ways; we cannot control who we love. Love just happens, "love isn't always on time."  But when love comes, when a person fully embraces the beauty of love, there is no turning back, which is why, in my opinion, when you love someone, you never truly stop. You will always have a part of that person with you, whether or not the love was requited. That's why heartbreak hurts so much. Sometimes, when the timing is off, love doesn't always work out. It's a tragedy, truly, when two people are so in love but unable to be together. Or when one person falls for another, but their love isn't ready to catch them. 

Love is very dangerous. Love can make miracles happen, but it can also bring on unbearable amounts of pain. Love can cause so much hurt, it's almost depressing. However, that's another reason why love is so wonderful. Love is so powerful, it's the strongest feeling in the world; love is a feeling people search for, sometimes without even realizing it. 

Another wonderful thing about love is that when love brings us down, it's always there to pick us back up. No matter what happens, no matter what life throws at us, God will always love us unconditionally. His love endures forever; His love is the most powerful and most pure thing ever to exist in the universe. His love is stronger than any other kind of love, His love is why we all have been given the gift of life. His love is real love. His love for us is always and will always be an infinite amount of times more powerful than the love any other person on earth can have for us. His love comes first. 

I am grateful to have found love. I have found love from my family, I have found love from my friends, I have found love from my love, I have found love from my pain. I have constantly lived in a world filled with love. Though sometimes this love has caused my pain, sorrow, such strong feelings of sadness, I wouldn't have it any other way. "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." This statement will always hold to be true. Love is such a strong feeling, and there is always somewhere to find love. It is up to us to accept love and live with its beauty. I am blessed with many different kinds of love. I am so happy for that, even on my darkest days, I can always find love. Love is always worth the risk.

Left with the memoreis.

We are all left with memories. Some good, some bad, some happy, some sad. Even the most painful of memories can hold some of the most important lessons that we've learned. Love teaches us joy, but it can also bring us hurt. Love shoes us the beauty in life, even though a heartbreak can cloud that view. Love shows us the way when there is none. Love is all around us. Love exists whether or not we've found it in God, a significant other, a relative, or a friend. Love is strong, Love is powerful, Love is changing, Love is beautiful. Love brings ups, and Love brings downs. but what's important to remember is that Love is pure, and it will forever be the purest thing to exist on this earth. Nothing will every change to beauty of love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

2.1.2012.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:8-10

   Today I realized how blessed I am to have had a woman so inspirational in my life, my grams. She is such and incredible woman, and her love and spirit shall live on for eternity. I know that one day I will see her again, but for now, she will continue to guide my path.

   Today's verse of the day is very uplifting. We have all been given the miracle of life, and it is up to us to decide how we will live our own lives. We have all been created in God's image, we are all a gift, we are all different and individual. No two people are alike, and that is what is so beautiful about the lives we live. We have free will, we have been saved, we can roam this earth knowing that we never have to be alone and that there will always be a place for us in heaven. I am so comforted by the fact that God will never judge me, He will love me no matter what I do. I don't have to be anyone else but me, I am enough, He loves me for who I am, not what I do or how I dress. He loves me.

   Living for God is more than just doing good deeds or giving your time. It's having a desire to share His love with the world around us. We shan't do so in boastful way, nor should we complain when tasks become too difficult. God gave us His only son, and because of this we have all been saved. Helping  a neighbor, a friend, an enemy, anyone is helping spread God's love and helping share His joy. My goal is to live for Him before myself, to put my needs below those of others. I am not perfect, I don't always do everything exactly as God intended, but I know that with His help and guidance, I can be stronger. I can overcome any burden with his help.

back to the basics.

   Accountability is something that is not always accounted for. Sometimes, it is so easy to get caught up the world's worries that we fail to acknowledge what is truly important in life. Unfortunately, it's easy to do what makes us happy without listening to God's word or trying to understand what he wants for us. It's upsetting to see that I have let things come to this. I'm disappointed in myself for letting what I want and what I think I need come before what is most important in life.

   With that being said, I'm going back to the basics. Square one. What made feel closest to God? What made drift away? I'm embarking on a journey with the Lord, and I intend to let him guide me through it. I am very much uncertain of what my future holds; however, i believe that if I can truly put all of my trust in God, everything will fall into place. I may not be pleased with the answers he gives me, but I know that I need to trust him and understand that he always has my best interest in mind. 

   I am very much looking forward to reconnecting with God. I am going to use this blog to hold me accountable for this journey. Each day, I will make time to sit down, write, and reflect on the day's activities. This will allow me to really think about what I've done and come to a conclusion on whether or not my actions are helping or hindering this process. Although I'm a bit nervous for what I might find, I know that in the end, I will have the answers I've been seeking.