Although I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen, and I am totally and completely frustrated, I have so much to be thankful for. These past few days, I have been studying poverty and the impact it has around the globe. I have realized that I am truly blessed to have even a home. I have a family who supports me and a God who loves me. I am grateful that I do not have to sleep on a pad in a foreign place every night or wonder where I will find my next meal. I don't think I have ever appreciated my house as much as I have over the past few days. I am just thankful to be who I am, even if that means dealing with the messy imperfections.

No. It's really not okay anymore, actually, it never was. Seriously, I'm sick of this.

NEW.

TODAY: Instead of listing three things that I am thankful for, I am going to list one thing each day & say why I am thankful for that.

1.) I am thankful that I had the privilege in participating in cross country this year. It was an incredibly amazing season. I was taking times at the Sectional race today and everybody did a fantastic job! I had so much fun at practice every single day: I looked forward to the 3:15 bell because I knew that I would see my teammates soon after it rang. I am also thankful that I had such amazing coaches. They were extremely supportive throughout each and every race. I don't think my high school experience would be the same without this sport. Today was the last of my xc days, and although I'm incredibly sad, I'm also really happy to have all of the wonderful and happy memories that I do. I am closer with a lot of people from my team that I probably never would have met if I did not join, and I am also so much closer with my sister. That is certainly something to rejoice about! I love that I can tell her just about anything, and I really hope she feels the same. Overall, I'd say that joining cross country was one of the best decisions I have made during high school.

Volunteering.

   After volunteering at PADS a few nights ago, I am much more grateful for what I do have. I love my bed, my clothes, my blankets, and especially the fact that I have a home. I am so grateful to be blessed with a loving family supported by a stable income. I am glad that I don't have to move from shelter to shelter.
   Setting up beds and serving meals to those who were staying for the night really opened my eyes. Everyone I served food to was so grateful to be at the shelter. I realized that I am not always as grateful as I should be about being at my own home. I have so many luxuries and privileges that I don't appreciate as much as I should. That is going to change...
(to be continued)

Friday (late again).

1.) Friday... It was so nice to finally be done with the week. I felt totally relieved, even though I have a lot of homework to do & such, it was nice to just relax and have fun.

2.) I am thankful that I have the strength and help from God to make positive life decisions.

3.) Things are improving... I am being patient... I'm just glad that I know God has a plan for me.

1.) Today, I volunteered at a local PADS sight. It was a really uplifting experience, and I realize how fortunate I am to have what I do. I am just grateful to live where I do and own what I own...
(follow up soon to come)

2.) I am slowly returning back to normal. I don't know how long this process will take or what challenges I may face... But I am making progress.

3.) God is always watching out for me. I can feel his presence when I smile or remember something that makes me wince. I love that I know he is there. I never have to feel alone.

Trust take two.

   I told myself I understood God's plan, or at least part of it, and I do... I think. I trust him, because I know that he will provide me with what I need. I will never be alone or left with a situation I am not capable of dealing with. I just wish that I could know... I know I need to be patient, but sometimes, it's really difficult to wait for something that might not even be worth waiting for. I know that in the end things will work out and whatever happens is for the best, but I can't help but wonder what "the best" thing really is. All I can do is wait, all I ever do is wait. I suppose that waiting is something I am used to at this point. So, in the grand scheme of things, what's a little longer?

   What's funny is while writing this, I feel like God gave me just what I needed. Something just kind of clicked... and I know things will work out. I have trust, I do. God works in mysterious ways, it's amazing. I can't even begin to comprehend the God's knowledge and the love he has for me. All I know is that as long as I stick with him, He will provide.


                        thank you, God, for always having an answer and never turning Your back.

1.) I am really enjoying writing my causal analysis paper. It keeps me thinking about why I believe the way I do and challenges me to stay strong with my faith.

2.) My sister is hilarious. She can always put a smile on my face when I'm feeling down.

3.) I am having a much better week than last week... I'm trusting God and things seem to be going well.

you may be the reason that I smile, but you're also the reason that I don't.

1.) Today went fairly well. I actually feel normal again. This week is off to a great start and I am looking forward to see what else lies ahead.

2.) I finished my college applications! Well, all of my early action applications (which are the schools I am most strongly considering) are officially COMPLETE! Takes a load off... now, scholarships...

3.) I love remembering God's love for me, and smiling. I love how He can subtly send us messages, especially when we least expect it. I am so blessed to have such an awesome God.

"I love you, O Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, so I shall be saved from my enemies.
The cords of death encompassed me; the torrents of perdition assailed me;
the cords of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me.
In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears."
                                                                                       Psalm 18:1-6 (NRSV) 

1.) I feel connected! I really feel like I am in tune with my faith.

2.) I am really excited that I can FINALLY participate in "Project Mexico"! I am so pumped for this summer!

3.) While things are far from perfect, I am happy... I haven't been totally cheery and upbeat lately, but something about this week is making me feel good. I don't know why, but I'm just excited for life.

Realizing.

   So this past week has really got me thinking. I have been trying to figure out what exactly makes me happy. I know I always have God's love, and that is always enough to make me eternally happy and grateful. However, I wanted to find out what exactly it was in this world, aside from God's love, that could really put a smile on my face. For me, this past week was anything but cheery. I spent most of my days letting my thoughts wander on topics I really didn't want to think about. I usually countered those thoughts by praying and remembering how much God cares about me.
   I have realized that people come into our lives for different reasons. Today, I thought about all the people I know, then, I thought about why I know them or why they exist in my life. God doesn't put people in our lives for no reason, he doesn't make us feel a certain way just because, everything has rationale behind it. I have been trying to understand that rationale. It certainly hasn't been easy, but today, I feel like I had a revelation.
  After seriously thinking about my life, becoming angry with some of my decisions, and understanding how lucky I am to be myself, I have finally started to understand God's plan. I know what makes me happy, even if it is totally ridiculous and far-fetched. I don't really care what other people think or want me to do, I know that this is what I'm supposed to do. I actually felt God's presence in my life. I really believe he is guiding me and he truly does have a plan. I can't explain how incredible it feels. All of a sudden, things started to make sense, and I just knew.
   Even though things may not work out exactly as I hope, I know that they will work out. I know I would not feel this way if they wouldn't. I really feel like I am connecting with God and that for once, things might actually go right. I am trying hard not to think about the future, to take things one day at a time, but I can't help but wonder, hope, that maybe, just maybe, it'll end up right. I totally trust God, and I believe that he will slowly reveal more of his plan to me as time progresses. For now, I truly believe that he is looking out for me, he knows what I need, and he will provide.
   I am happy not knowing and I am okay with being unsure because I know what makes me smile. It's not going to change, and I honestly don't know if/when it will. As upset as I have become with the way the past few years of my life have spanned out, I realized that I was more frustrated with myself than anything else. I thought I was doing something wrong, but I now know that I just wasn't being patient enough. I really was happy. Even though I can remember some significant moments in which this was untrue, underneath it all, I was happy.
   Hope for the future is what kept me smiling. I was wishful and uncertain of what the future held, in all honesty, I was sure that it was not bright. Everything happens for a reason. I am discovering that reason, a little bit at a time. I would like to think everything will end perfectly and I won't have to deal with this mystery anymore, but I know that is nearly impossible. This mystery has helped me discover things about myself I never would have known before. I am really starting to understand myself, and the first lesson I have learned is that I don't need to change anything in my life to be happy. I was satisfied with the way things were, and there is no reason for me to go out and jump into anything new because the old is still incomplete.
   As much as I wish I could change the past few weeks, I know I cannot. All I can do is focus on the positive. I have realized that as much as I hate what has become of the past couple of weeks, it has really taught me a lot about myself. All I can do now is focus on the present, taking small steps, waiting for God to guide me through my next challenge.

I know what to do. I don't know how to explain things exactly... But I know what will make me happy. I don't necessarily need change right now.


1.) I UNDERSTAND GOD'S PLAN. Sort of. I finally feel like things are falling into place. I have an idea of what God wants for me, and I truly feel connected.

2.) I have the funniest sisters in the world. Sure, they really get on my nerves sometimes, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't trade them for anything.

3.) I am just really excited for a new week to start. I feel like I have a clean slate. I am glad tomorrow is Monday, because things are starting fresh. It's a new week, full of new adventures, tasks, and challenges that I am ready to embrace with God in my heart.

Yesterday.

1.) Regionals went really well! Everyone ran incredibly amazing, and I am so happy for all of them. I am so excited for Sectionals next week & I know everyone will do awesome!


2.) My family and I went out to dinner & it was so much fun! Everything was delicious and I had such  a great time hanging out with them!


3.) I had the opportunity to hang out with my sister, Tatiana. I don't really get the chance to talk to her very often, but yesterday, we had so much fun! I don't know what it is, but I can totally see myself in her and it is so strange! We decided to make a weekly habit out of "hanging out" & now we're having sleepovers every Saturday night. It's going to be awesome.

1.) Today was a relatively "simple" day. I did not receive a ton of work to complete this weekend, and I was able to go home right after school... It seems strange but it was seriously awesome. I felt weird leaving after school and not going to practice... As much as I don't like morning practice, I must admit, I felt relieved to go home and relax for a bit. I also had the pleasure of attending a delicious pasta party and the opportunity to catch up on my reading!

2.) I received my first paycheck today! It was really exciting because I know I actually worked hard and earned my own money. I am so excited to continue working and earning money, I feel so much more independent. I love it.

3.) Regionals are tomorrow! I am so glad that I am an alternate! I worked really hard throughout the year to get to where I am now. I can't say I am not a little disappointed that I am not running, but I am also really really glad I don't have to worry about the pressures of racing. I have all the perks of cross country without any of the stress, and it is totally awesome! I hope we do well! (:

1.) I am really happy that I have the ability to freely express my religion. I am able to be open about what I believe and no one can tell me that I cannot do so. It's comforting to know that no one will attack me because of what I believe.

2.) I am pleased to say that the progress with my article(s) in the school paper are coming along quite well. I was a bit worried that I wouldn't be able to pull everything together. However, I see now that things are falling right into place... I just hope they continue that way.

3.) At Cross Country today, we went on a "free run". It was sooooo much fun. We haven't had one of those in the longest time. I felt so free, and it really made my day. Things are sort of starting to make sense again, and I can slowly feel myself "going back to normal" (normal for me, that is).

Politics?

   I find it incredibly annoying that the American political system is as corrupt as it is. The law-making process is probably the most obnoxious and nearly impossible method I've ever heard of (pretty much). I find it rather irritating that politicians can filibuster bills by spending countless hours talking about anything, yes anything they want, IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO BE ABOUT THE BILL ITSELF. How old are these people? Is there really no other way of discussing an issue? What's really annoying is the corruption behind passing a bill. The secret exchanges and trade offs. Does anyone actually care about the people? Or is everyone just trying to make themselves look better? What I'd like to know is when all of this nonsense will stop. This country is not going to be much of anything if the next few decades continue with this insane pattern. I just don't think that this is the type of political system our forefathers had envisioned, then again, they were pretty corrupt themselves. So basically, we live in a nation of corruption... built on corruption.
Wonderful.

1.) I found it relaxing to study for my Sociology test... I am not sure why, but I am not going to reject any feelings of peace. I am also hoping to catch up on some reading tonight. I am slowly "de-stressing" my life, though, it helps that my homework load hasn't been too terrible lately. I am just glad I have the opportunity to relax a bit.

2.) My little sister, Olivia, offered me a twizzler. I wasn't really hungry, but I thought it was beyond adorable that she offered. I love when she makes cute, little gestures. I think she's the most amazing little kid around! I don't know what I would do without her. I feel so blessed to have her in my life.

3.) I'm glad I have friends who care about me. It really means a lot to me when someone notices I'm down or ..."up". I love that I will always have their support, and no matter how insignificant something may seem in the grand scheme of things, they will always listen. Picking up on the little things make me realize that I will probably be friends with these girls for a very long time. I can't imagine what my life would be like without them. Probably a total mess. I cannot thank them enough for everything they do for me.

1.) I had minimal homework to accomplish today. Because of this, I was able to get some little chores done, such as cleaning my room. I was not thrilled to start work on this dull task. However, after a few minutes of working, I was on a roll. I cleaned and reorganized my closet, changed all my sheets, and straightened up a bit. It took quite awhile, but it certainly was worth it. In certain instances and moods, cleaning my room can be very relaxing, and it really takes my mind off of things. I feel accomplished and a little bit more "free".

2.) After practice, I stayed at school to earn some NHS hours, which meant I didn't have time to grab some dinner. My mom told me she would drop off some chicken and rice for me. When she did, it was in the cutest container, AND she gave me a brownie. I typically avoid junk food at all costs, but it really made me smile to see that she gave me a little something sweet. I am not sure why I was so excited, probably because I knew my little sister, Olivia, played a role in making the brownie, but it totally made my night...

3.) I am actually going to get a decent amount of sleep tonight, or at least I plan to. This past week has been so hectic, and I think things are sort of falling into place. My homework is not taking terribly long and I have time to relax a little bit, which is really nice. I definitely need more sleep.

1.) I went to youth group today. It was really interesting. I found out that I live in an extremely sheltered environment... I never realized how much "corruption" and just unpleasant situations are out there because I have never been exposed to them. I am so grateful I have never had to deal with any kind of situation that put myself in danger of any kind.

2.) After a really refreshing run today, I realized that there are more important things in life. I mean, I am really insignificant compared to everyone in this world. Even so, God loves me just as much as he loves everyone else, and that is just the most wonderful thing anyone could ever ask for.

3.) I say this a lot, but I'm so happy my sister is so awesome. I don't think she realizes how cool I think she is. Seriously, I think she is hilarious. I love that I can tell her random stuff, and even if she doesn't really care to listen... well, she does. I am just so happy that I can call her my sister.

It's the little things that count.

Today was quite interesting.

   I have decided that I am going to write my causal paper on my faith. I find the timing to be kind of perfect for me to write this paper. I am actually really excited to start writing and researching for it. The little things everyday make realize how important it is for me to stay strong. I have no idea how anything is going to work out for me. I am kind of weary about the future right now, but I know God won't let me down. I cannot control the future, I cannot change the past, and I certainly cannot fix the present. My faith is the only thing that remains constant in my life and is the only thing I have I have complete control over. For that, I am grateful. I feel like I say that a lot, but even so, never is it any less true.
   At practice today, we took a different route on our run in the forest preserve. Everything was so beautiful. I find it really uplifting and calming to see all the colors of fall coming together in one place. I felt like I was in a different world. I didn't have to worry about anything, I was just in awe with nature's beauty. It's days like these when I know God is looking out for me, and I am that much stronger in trusting him.

The Parable of the Sower

"A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up. ⁶Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. ⁷Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown."
      When he said this, he called out, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."  His disciples asked him what this parable meant. He said, "The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables, so that,
   " 'though seeing, they may not see;
      though hearing, they may not understand.'
"This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop."
                                                                                     Luke 8:5-15 (NIV)

  I want to be the seed that falls on the good soil. I am really trying to be open to everything God has to say to me. I don't want to have any regrets. I have realized how important it is to be real and honest about things. From now on, I am going to live the life of the good soil. I am going to focus on strengthening my relationship with Christ instead of trying to fix silly matters I hardly have control over. My faith is something I can totally control, and from now on, I intend to take advantage of this opportunity I have not fully embraced before.

1.) I love my nouna. She is totally wonderful. I haven't seen her in what seems like forever, but I am so glad to have her in my life. I miss her so much, but I know she is going through some tough times right now. I am praying for her and her family, and I know that she will be alright. She is so amazing, and I love her so much! I really admire her and all that she does. I'm so glad I can call her my godmother.

2.) I am glad I can drive myself places... This isn't anything new, but today, I had to leave straight from church to go to work. I was able to leave for church on my own watch. This meant I was actually on time for church! It was so great to hear aaallll the prayers and readings. I loved it. I am thinking I will use this to my advantage in the future... My house is relatively hectic all the time, so we are hardly ever on time anywhere. The sad thing is, it's church. We really should be on time for church, and if it means I have to drive separately every week, I totally will.

3.) I feel enlightened. I really feel like God is telling me that things are going to work out. All I need to do is trust that he has a plan for me, so I am. I decided I should probably stop trying to think about what that plan is, though I do catch myself wondering... Anyways, I have so many reasons to be thankful, and it really isn't fair to not trust God. If he knows all, and he has a plan for me, why should I have any hesitation in following him? I shouldn't, and my new goal is to NOT hesitate. I don't know how successful I will be, because I am only human, a mere imperfection, a sinner. God is perfect, so I will put my faith in him and know everything will eventually work out.

Trust.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8ZuKF3dxCY&feature=related

   We watched this video in Sunday school today. I must say, it seemed quite ironic at the time because it is all about staying strong and trusting God even when it seems like nothing is going right. I am glad that God will always be reminding me of his never ending love, and that no matter what, I will always have him to turn to. This video really spoke to me, I hope it means as much to others as it does to me.

1.) I have an amazing sister, not only am I beyond proud of her, but I am also extremely grateful to have her. I can trust her with anything, and I always know that she will be there. Even when she is in a terribly, unpleasant mood, she always manages to make me smile somehow. She also serves as my motivation during my races. Today, I tried so hard to stay with her, but I was unable to. I am more happy for her than I am upset with myself. After being out of sports for years, she has made a complete recovery. She has had an amazing season, and I know next year's will be even better for her. I can't wait to come back and watch her compete. I don't know what I would do without her.

2.)  Although I did not end this last race the way I had intended to, I feel blessed to have had the pleasure of experiencing such an amazing season with truly, wonderful girls. I am so sad to say goodbye to those who are not continuing training. I wish everyone would stay, but I know this is not the case. I will miss everyone so much, and I just wanted to say thanks for making it such a memorable season.

3.)  I have faith. I have absolutely no idea what the future holds for me right now, but I have faith. I am not sure what to expect, but I have faith. I don't know if things will work out exactly right, but for now, I have faith.

Waiting.

   All I can do is wait. I wait for answers, I wait for myself, I wait for other people, I feel like I am constantly waiting for something to make sense, when really, nothing ever makes sense. I wish I could fix everything, but I am far from being perfect. I feel so terrible, but I can't change the past. I want to understand, but I don't think I ever will. Sometimes, waiting is literally the only option. I suppose that's how it always is. People say things have to get worse before they can get better, but weren't things already worse? I am not saying they were horrible, but just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. All I can do is wait. I am waiting for answers that might never come, which unfortunately, is how reality tends to work. I have my faith, and I trust God with all my heart, but sometimes, I wish I didn't have to wait. The true test of faith is when things are the exact opposite of happy, "good", or going right in any way. I am certainly relying on my faith quite a bit these days. If nothing else good comes out of this mess, at least I know it has brought me closer to God.

   So nervous for today! Hopefully all goes well! I have a feeling it will.

"Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone? Or if the child asks for a fish, will give a snake? "
                                                                                       Matthew 7:7-10 (NRSV)

1.) I feel that even though things are slightly stressful, I have managed to stay strong with my faith. I honestly have put all of my trust in God, and even though I have no idea what is going to happen next, I know it will be for the best.


2.) Once again, I have really REALLY understanding friends. I know that I always have someone to lean on when I am not sure of what my next move is.


3.) I feel a little bit better than I did yesterday. I am really excited and nervous for conference tomorrow. I am hoping to do well. I would not feel the same if it weren't for my amazing coaches. I am so grateful that I have been able to have such positive experiences with my team.

Capital Punishment

   Today, in Sociology, we had a very heated discussion regarding the death penalty. Personally, I am completely, 100% AGAINST the death penalty. I do not believe that any human should have any sort of decision of deciding the fate of another human. Are not all humans created equally? If all sins are equal in God's eyes, why then, do we issue death to those who murder? Where is the punishment for those who lie? Who commit adultery, or premarital sex? I simply cannot accept the death penalty as rational punishment.
   I am not saying I do not see both sides of this case, because I certainly do. I am only saying that I absolutely do not agree with the other side. I understand that there are crimes so incredibly awful and gruesome to think about, but I don't believe that we, as imperfect, sinning, humans, are in any position to make the call about someone's life.
   What good comes from killing off a murderer? If the issue is safety, there are plenty of other options and ways of keeping such people from roaming the streets. The only real outcome I see from the death penalty is revenge. Revenge is a totally, twisted sin in itself. Revenge implies anger and seeking vengeance on another human. It is intentionally causing pain on one of God's creatures. I can't see that as justified, no matter what he or she may have done.
   Another argument I have heard is that people who are on death row have committed serious crimes and they intentionally mess with someone's head, degrade them, and make them feel less of themselves. Is this not what a typically "bully" does? Why not try to stop the problem early on and try to note any serious mental illnesses in childhood rather than waiting until late adulthood?
   What really stuck out to me was that someone had the nerve to argue that murderers do not have any mental illnesses. I find this to be highly unlikely. Even though it may not be scientifically diagnosed, anyone who feels the need to take someone else's life has some serious issues. They may have had a rough childhood or a traumatizing experience.
   I simply do not think that death penalty is justified in any way. God is the ultimate being and only he has the power to decide the fate of a human life.

I must say, these past few days have been anything but easy. It certainly is difficult to remain strong when things are going horribly wrong. I have decided to give all my worries to God. I hope I am able to. I need to focus on my schoolwork and not be affected by anything else right now. Things are incredibly stressful. I know that they will work out in the end, but honestly, I strongly dislike the wait.

1.) I am thankful that I have a family with people who love me no matter what I do. I am so glad that I can talk to them about anything and that they will always give me some kind of advice. I am grateful that they do not judge me or look down upon me. I know that whatever happens, they will always support me.

2.) I am so very thankful that I am surrounded by a wonderful group of friends who accept me for who I am. Nobody expects me to be someone I am not and I am glad people are understanding. I know that they always have my back and will always, always, always be there when I need to talk, even if they are sick of listening to me.

3.) I am absolutely, positively the most grateful for the fact that I have my faith. When I feel like I have nothing or no one to turn to, I always know, deep down, that I do. Even when things seem beyond difficult and like there is absolutely no way things could get any better, I will never be alone. I don't deserve this by any means, I am far from perfect or anything close to it. I can only be eternally grateful that my God has never-ending love for me.

My faith is my guide.

Wow.

1.) Arlight, so this day started out to be pretty nice... and I am just going to say that I am very informed about a lot of things.

2.) I slept in! It was wondeful. I am happy.

3.) I bonded with my sister. I am really glad I can talk to her.

I hope things start to make sense soon.

I am such a teenager.

Reality.

   So, it's a beautiful Autumn day outside! I have a pretty good feeling about today. It's so nice out, and I'm thinking a study break in the park, or better yet, studying in the park is a stupendous idea. I am really glad I was finally able to sleep. I think that after a few more nights of good rest, I'll be much more lively. Though, what I'm really concerned about is being prepared for Saturday. Saturday is conference for Cross Country. I'm really nervous, but at the same time, I"m incredibly excited. I've been working hard all season, and even though I don't know what to expect, I'm almost positive my hard work will pay off.
   For some reason, just writing what I am thinking really helps me relax. I worry so much all the time with just about everything. However, I really try my best not to worry, and to put all my trust in God. The less I think about my troubles, the more quickly I am able to complete my tasks. I have found that by not thinking about all of the little details and taking life on day at a time, things have certainly improved. For once, I feel like things are really well. I am completely unsure of what exactly will happen over the next week or so, but I have a pretty good feeling it will work out in my favor.
   I must say, lately I have really started relying on my faith, not that I didn't before, it's just that now, I've realized how much I have to be thankful for. I have so many different components in my life to be grateful for. Sometimes I wonder why I never realized this before. It saddens me that some people don't always see the good in their life. I believe that everyone has so much to be thankful for, but they might not always realize it.
   The key to being happy is opening your eyes and seeing all that you already have. Happiness is not something you can buy or make, it is something you already have, you just need to find it. That can be the hardest part, especially when it seems like absolutely nothing is ever going to work out. I've certainly felt that way before, and it was probably one of the most unpleasant things I've ever experienced. However, life goes on, and I soon realized that there are more important things to focus on. I am so glad I have finally been able to put things into perspective. I have learned to balance my thoughts in a way so that the scale tips towards my happiness rather than staying weighed down with negativity.

The Golden Rule.

   "Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone? Or if the child asks for a fish, will give a snake? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him! "In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets."
                                                                                              Matthew 7:7-12 (NRSV)

  I find this verse extremely helpful when I am completely lost and unsure of where to turn. It's just another reminder that I am not alone.

Grateful.

    Another day, another adventure!


1.) Young Life was totally amazing! I had such a great time & am really looking forward to the rest of the year!


2.) NO SCHOOL tomorrow. I am so happy. I have been extremely overwhelmed with homework, cross country, work, etc. lately I have hardly had any time to do, well, anything. I am really looking forward to actually sleeping, and not having to worry about x, y, and z.


3.) After school ended, things started to turn around. I actually had a pretty good evening. For once, I feel like things might actually play out in my favor, it's kind of refreshing.




   I truly am grateful to live in such a wonderful community. I am looking forward to any challenges that this year may hold. I know that whatever obstacles life has for me, I will be able to overcome as long as I stay strong with my faith. I have learned how important it is to rely on my faith, especially in times of stress or confusion. Sometimes, the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that there is always something bigger than me, someone is always going to be there to guide me. In my opinion, the hardest time to stay faithful is when things are difficult. When things aren't going well, and it seems like nothing ever will, that's when staying strong is most important. It's easy to preach strong beliefs when everything is dandy. The true test of character begins when reality sinks in and things take a turn for the worse. For now, I am going to focus on the positive, and be happy that things are finally going well. Ultimately, I hope to feel the same way when they aren't.

Young Life.

   Today, I attended "Young Life" for the first time. This group meets once a week to have fun and briefly discuss beliefs. It was a really great experience. I would like to think that this group will make a difference to some people. No matter what someone believes, he/she is more than welcome to attend. So many people attended that I never would have expected to. It was really neat seeing everyone laugh and a have a good time together. I am definitely looking forward for weeks to come. I am also really excited for 5th Quarter this Friday night! After seeing so many people at Young Life tonight, I definitely think we will have quite the turnout. After the football game, we invite anyone to come back to the school for pizza, soda, and lots of fun! So far, this year is off to a pretty good start. Aside from the actual schoolwork part, everything is pretty stupendous!

   On a short side note, after Young Life, a few of us stuck around and watched glee. I absolutely love this show. I was kind of bummed about my calculus test and just the day overall. After having a fun time at Young Life and watching a really amazing episode of glee, my day was instantly better. I am so glad I have the privilege of living in an environment that allows me to freely express my beliefs and enjoy myself while doing so. I certainly can't wait for next week!

Today.

Today was pretty nice.


1.) I went apple picking. I love, love, apples! It was really nice to spend some time outdoors and pick some tasty apples. I also was able to spend more time with my sisters. As frustrated as I become sometimes, I really love hanging out with them.


2.) I also went pumpkin picking. It was such a fall oriented day. My aunt came along too. It was really nice, my sisters are so funny. Alina, closest to my age, and I started running at the pumpkin patch. It was kind of entertaining to be "practicing" in a field of pumpkins. I am glad that she and I can have fun together, it makes me realize how lucky I am.


3.) I somehow managed to complete my homework before 9. This is fairly good new considering I have morning practice tomorrow. However, what is even better is that after completing a review worksheet for my calculus class, I realized I actually understand the material. I am a bit less worried about failing tomorrow. I think I'll do fairly well. Hopefully my studying will pay off...

Time, or lack thereof.

part of my editorial... rough, vague, needs work.


  

   I find myself in the same situation as many other high school seniors. Too many high school seniors are overloaded with homework, sports, working, and college applications. Hardly any time is left for leisure activities or even visiting colleges. Sleeping is a rare commodity.

   Everyday seems the same; I have fallen into a routine that leaves me dead tired when the day finally comes to a close. Each day poses a new challenge that I find nearly impossible to overcome, nearly all my patience disappears before I even step foot in my house.

   Living with four younger sisters accounts for significantly more stress than I feel necessary. Trying to complete my homework takes almost as much energy as completing my school day. I hardly have time to relax.

   On the rare occasion that I have a bit of downtime, I prefer to sit down, relax, and catch up on some shows or reading. However, this simple act seems nearly impossible. Though, if I even look like I have nothing to do, I am immediately bombarded with chores and errands from my parents. So ridiculous.

   Too many seniors or teenagers in general, feel incredibly overwhelmed by the act of being a teenager. While growing up leads to more freedoms, it certainly comes with a heavy load of responsibility.

   As I enter my house, I feel like I am walking into a petting zoo; children scream at one another and run around wildly while the dog barks continuously. Trying to complete any homework correctly takes an exhausting amount of energy. The cycle never ends. I feel trapped.

   This cycle is not uncommon for a typical senior. While many people believe senior year to be an “easy, slack-off” year, rarely is this the case. Trying to balance school and outside activities poses an extremely difficult challenge. On top of these activities, many seniors have siblings or chores to attend to at home, need I mention, college applications.

  When the weekend finally rolls around, I would like to say I feel relieved; however, rarely is this true. I usually need to use the weekend to finish homework I was unable to attend to during the week. Sometimes, I wonder what it feels like to be normal, and then I realize, in this world, no one is ever normal.

   I wish, that for just one day, I could explain how strenuous every second of my life feels; though whenever I try to explain things to my parents or siblings everyone has their own list of mindless tasks.

   What many people do not realize is that many teenagers are in the same situation. Whether they are busy with sports, academics, or extracurricular activities, schedules always appear to be overbooked.

   Some seniors have morning practice three days a week, with three hours of practice after school every day. Arriving home at six might seem like enough time to complete homework at a reasonable hour; but after spending over twelve hours at school with gruelling practices, the average teenager is totally worn out.

   Sometimes, it seems like everyone is competing against one another. Who has the busiest schedule? Does it matter? At this point, I don’t have time to care.

Thankful.

Everyday, I think about three things that I am thankful for.

Sunday:
1.) I visited Marquette University. It was absolutely beautiful. It really got me thinking about college and what I am going to do next year. I feel a bit more informed and a little less worried about what the future holds.

2.) I was able to spend some quality time with my youngest sister, Sophia. I realized that I don't spend as much time with my sisters as I should. I am going to miss them so much when I go away. I decided that I am going to make more time for them.

3.) Things are going well. Even though I have a lot of work with regards to school and college applications, I have a good feeling things are going to work out. I realized that by putting my faith in God really trusting him to help me with my decisions, everything will work itself out.

I would also like to take note that after doing this for a week, it has made me realize how lucky I am.
I have so much to be thankful for and am more fortunate than I realize. I am blessed with a family that loves me and a community that is safe to live in. I think that by really thinking about just three things to be thankful for everyday, I will continue to grow stronger with my faith, and for that, I will always be thankful.

Worrying.

   Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don't forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this, ,you will experience God's peace, which is far more Wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Jesus Christ.

                                                                                                    Philippians 4:6-7 (NRSV)                                                                                     
   ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you--you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, “What will we eat?” or “What will we drink?” or “What will we wear?” For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ‘So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today.

                                                                          Matthew 6:25-34 (NRSV)