Everything.

   You don't understand. You can't possibly understand. I really can't expect you to, and I have failed to explain it. I can't though, there is only so much I can say. It's different this time. It's not the same. It's done. You can say you tried, but you didn't. I know you. You can't. You can't say you tried because I know you can't be open with me. You can't communicate with me. You can't expect to fix something on your own. You can't expect me to think that's okay. It's not okay. You have no idea what you have done. The fact that you kept something from me is what is most upsetting. It's not that you decided it wasn't working, it's that you didn't tell me when you first believed there to be a problem. You can't do that, you just can't. You will never understand because you really just can't. You don't get that I waited and waited for this. You don't know how much I cared. You don't realize that although you said we tried, we didn't. I wanted something more and you were unsure of what to do. You thought you could fix things on your own, so you tried to mold whatever it was we were doing into something you could make sense of. When something is wrong, people talk about it. They discuss their issues and come to a conclusion together. They don't try and fix things on their own, decide it can't work, and walk away. You gave up before it even started. You can say whatever you want, but I know it's not true. Actions speak louder. They always have, they always will. You isolated yourself. You weren't open. You didn't understand. "We" didn't not work out, you didn't know how to try. There is so much more I want to say to you, but I can't. I am not angry, I am upset. I am so disappointed in you. I trusted you. I trusted that you wouldn't do this to me. For the first time, you are not the person I thought you were. For the first time, you actually hurt me. Of all people, you. You are the last person I expected this from. You handled this situation so poorly. It all feels wrong now. It feels so wrong. It doesn't seem real. It seems so fake. I wish it didn't. This is not how it should have been. I can't look at you the same. I can't be your friend. I can't be okay until I forget the person I thought you were. I can't remember you like that, not after this, it wouldn't be fair to me. I don't want to think about that person. You can't be him, you really just can't, because he would never do anything like this to me. He wouldn't, I know that. You are not him. The sad thing is, I still know you. I know you too well. That makes this worse. Everything is worse. You have made this so much worse than it needs to be, and you don't even see it. You can't see it. You won't see it.

   Everything I wish I could say to you. Everything I never will. Everything you don't know. Everything I wish you did.

   Does it hurt? Do you care? When you see me, does your heart skip like mine does? When you think of me, are you sad? Does it mean the same things to you as it did to me? Do you feel as lost as I do? Do you wonder what you did wrong? I do. Did it ever occur to you that we could have worked together? Do I really mean that little to you? Do you want to forget? Are you already over it? Were you ever really in it? Did you ever truly care? Do you know what it means to care? Do you know how I feel? Do you know how I felt? Do you know what I've been through? No. Did it ever mean the same to you? Don't you think it would have been a good idea to let me know what you were thinking? Did that not seem obvious? Did you know how happy I was? Do you know that was all I ever wanted? Do you know that it started the first day I met you? Did you know it might have even started before that? Do you remember the first time we actually spoke? Did you know that's when I fell? Do you know how hard I fell? Do you know how much this hurts? Do you know how much I've already hurt? Does it matter to you? Does any of this really matter to you? I don't think it does. I don't think it ever will. Do you even want to know? What were you thinking all those years? What were you thinking these past few months? What are you thinking now? You'll never tell me. I'll never know. How could you possibly ever understand?

   Everything I want to know. Everything I want to ask. Everything I never can. Everything I never will.

   The worst part is, it's real this time. It's so much worse because it's all done. It's never going to go back to normal. We can never be friends. I never was your friend. I don't know if I can ever be your friend. I don't know how long this will take to mend. I want you to know I'm over you, but I'm not over who I thought you were. It's hard to come to terms with the facts that it's done. Just like that, it's all over. Everything I've hoped and prayed and wished for, that's all. This is it. It's so different than before. It's really over. It's not going to be okay this time. It's not going to fix itself.

I'm broken.

Everything that happened. Everything that never will. Everything is done.