I love this song :]
Even if this song is simple and probably wasn't meant to be dissected, it just really makes me think about my life & what I have. It makes me think of what I do just to make my boyfriend happy; but that makes me think of everything he does to make me happy. I probably don't think about what I can do to make him happy half as much as he tells me that my happiness will always come before his. I will admit, that I get very annoyed with this at times and think he is overly attached and clingy. Sometimes I wonder if he is just so caught up in love he doesn't see me flaws.
I have never met anyone quite like him.
Sometimes I feel guilty because I know there is unbalance. I know he loves me & cares for this relationship more than I do. I feel guilty because the distance gets to me so easily, I become frustrated with the little things so much more often than he does. I can honestly say that no matter what I do, he will never tell me I am wrong or place any blame on me. For some reason that I will probably never understand, this guy sees me as the most perfect and wonderful thing in this world. I don't know how or what I did to make him fall for me. I don't understand why he feels that way, I am far from perfect. I certainly don't remind him that I love him as much as he reminds me.
I understand that he cares about me. a lot. It's obvious. I just don't understand why, especially when I get annoyed at him for loving me so much. What kind of a girlfriend does that make me? I'm annoyed at my boyfriend for being in love with me? And on top of that, he STILL falls more and more in love with me every day.
If you're reading this and don't know me very well, you probably think I'm insane and delusional; but if you know my boyfriend, you'd know I'm not exaggerating, not even a little.
I suppose love works in mysterious ways. I suppose you could say I have what most girls dream of having. You'd probably be right. Though being the skeptical and critical person I am, I still find flaws with this boy. I mean if I'm unhappy, I'm not afraid to say it & when I'm angry with the way things are going, I have no problem voicing my opinion. While initially my boyfriend doesn't act all nice and sweet and happy, by the end of the conversation, he ends up taking all the responsibility... even when I know it's my problem not his. I have never met someone who would literally do anything just to be with another person. I've never been with someone willing to fight so hard for me.
I suppose what I'm getting that is I really should be more grateful. I have this incredible guy who never wants to see me go, and all I do is find problems with our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I take him for granted. What happens when he finally realizes I'm not worth all the trouble? It will probably be too late at that point. If I don't quit pushing him away, eventually he'll really be gone. Now I know he says that will never happen, but I know it will. I'm not sure why I have this cynical view of relationships. I don't know why I'm so convinced I don't deserve to have someone who loves me the way he does.
I would just like to point out that I am not a horrible girlfriend. It's just lately, I've been getting upset at things that never bothered me in the past. I would also like to mention that I do tell me boyfriend I love him & send cute gestures his way, just not as frequent as he sends them my way. I guess what I really want to know is if there's something wrong with me. I mean, I have this guy who will do anything I ask, but I still find problems with him. He tends to worry about everything, to the point where it's incredibly excessive. Though when I think about it, I know he's only worried about my safety and happiness. And, in his defense, he's gotten a lot better about freaking out less over the past half a year or so.
So what do I do?
Well, I really just needed to sort through my thoughts. I'm glad that we are taking things one day at a time, it's definitely making LDR much easier. I'm trying not to be so skeptical or look too far ahead. I'm going to try and focus on the present, the now, doing my part to make this a happy relationship; because that's what it should be, happy. I never realized how complicated things would be when we went away to school. I never even imagined myself dating him in the first place. I can honestly say I don't have any regrets. I'm glad we got together. I have grown & learned so much about myself and what love really means throughout this relationship. I can only hope that I can continue to grow and learn, but this time, I hope that we grow together & walk on the same path. I think this is going to be good for us.
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