After starting my day at 5:30, finding out I needed different textbooks, eating lunch at 2:15, trying to put a dent in my homework, and working out, I'd say I've had a pretty eventful day. I honestly wasn't sure what to expect from my second day of classes, maybe I thought this day would be just as easy as the first. Starting my day with work as opposed to ending my day with work sure changed things up. I found myself kind of dizzy and tired during my classes today, probably because I hadn't quite worked out my eating schedule. I was so worried about not being prepared for classes or falling behind, I signed up for a history tutor and visited my history professor during his office hours (yes, on the first day of class) only to find I was totally over-thinking things and getting worked up about nothing. Shocking.
On the plus, I"m definitely getting adjusted here. I also found out I only have history twice a week, not three times as listed on my schedule, that will really help with my time management skills. Because I was so concerned about being disorganized, I made certain to make an appointment to sit down with someone to discuss study skills and have a plan regarding how to prepare for exams and stay organized. While I'm really nervous about totally failing or some completely ridiculous, highly implausible scenario, I know that I'll be alright. Things always have a way of working out in the end, they may not play out exactly as I intended or as I wanted, but whatever happens, happens, and I know that I will be just fine.
One thing about myself that really bothers me is my lack of confidence in anything and everything I do. This weakness, per say, has become quite evident over the past few days. I'm afraid to speak up in my classes, I'm afraid to turn in assignments, I'm afraid to let other people see my work so that they can offer advice, I"m even afraid to share a tiny bit of my work with anyone else in any way, shape, or form. I have this constant nagging that people are going to judge my work, tell me I'm a terrible writer, think I'm stupid or just plain clueless. I honestly have no idea why, but that's how I feel. The only reason I'm comfortable writing on my blog, or sharing this for that matter, is because I know nobody really reads this.
This is my personal, online diary. It's nothing special, not really unique, just a jumble of my feelings and emotions at the time I sit down to write. I'm most comfortable writing in this type of setting. The words just seem to come naturally, writing seems easy. No one can judge me, because no one has to read this, hardly will read this. This is just me being me. I wish writing for class came this easy. I wish that I could be as comfortable as I am now with my schoolwork. I honestly don't mind who reads this blog, but if someone reads a line of my paper or glances at my notes, my mind is flooded with negativity and anxiety. What's weird is that this blog contains my most personal information while my homework and school papers contain nothing but words I put together on a specific topic that is usually unrelated to me. I really don't understand myself.
Furthermore, I want to conclude by saying this: I truly am going to put forth an effort to hold myself accountable for my actions, have quiet time in some form every night, and strengthen the bond between God and myself. I applied to this school for a reason, but I chose to come here for another. College is the transition from high school, immature teenager, to real world, career-bound woman. I want to be sure that I am closer to God each and every day for the rest of my life. If I leave college without that feeling, without that closeness, then I really have failed college.
On the plus, I"m definitely getting adjusted here. I also found out I only have history twice a week, not three times as listed on my schedule, that will really help with my time management skills. Because I was so concerned about being disorganized, I made certain to make an appointment to sit down with someone to discuss study skills and have a plan regarding how to prepare for exams and stay organized. While I'm really nervous about totally failing or some completely ridiculous, highly implausible scenario, I know that I'll be alright. Things always have a way of working out in the end, they may not play out exactly as I intended or as I wanted, but whatever happens, happens, and I know that I will be just fine.
One thing about myself that really bothers me is my lack of confidence in anything and everything I do. This weakness, per say, has become quite evident over the past few days. I'm afraid to speak up in my classes, I'm afraid to turn in assignments, I'm afraid to let other people see my work so that they can offer advice, I"m even afraid to share a tiny bit of my work with anyone else in any way, shape, or form. I have this constant nagging that people are going to judge my work, tell me I'm a terrible writer, think I'm stupid or just plain clueless. I honestly have no idea why, but that's how I feel. The only reason I'm comfortable writing on my blog, or sharing this for that matter, is because I know nobody really reads this.
This is my personal, online diary. It's nothing special, not really unique, just a jumble of my feelings and emotions at the time I sit down to write. I'm most comfortable writing in this type of setting. The words just seem to come naturally, writing seems easy. No one can judge me, because no one has to read this, hardly will read this. This is just me being me. I wish writing for class came this easy. I wish that I could be as comfortable as I am now with my schoolwork. I honestly don't mind who reads this blog, but if someone reads a line of my paper or glances at my notes, my mind is flooded with negativity and anxiety. What's weird is that this blog contains my most personal information while my homework and school papers contain nothing but words I put together on a specific topic that is usually unrelated to me. I really don't understand myself.
Furthermore, I want to conclude by saying this: I truly am going to put forth an effort to hold myself accountable for my actions, have quiet time in some form every night, and strengthen the bond between God and myself. I applied to this school for a reason, but I chose to come here for another. College is the transition from high school, immature teenager, to real world, career-bound woman. I want to be sure that I am closer to God each and every day for the rest of my life. If I leave college without that feeling, without that closeness, then I really have failed college.
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