Love.

   Sometimes, the moment we stop looking into the future and start living in the present, we find exactly what we are looking for. When I finally decided to stop thinking about possibilities and the various solutions to my problems, I found peace with myself. I prayed every night and asked God for answers. However, when I stopped asking for answers and strated finding happiness in my life, I found everything I needed.
   Times like these, I feel God walking with me. Times like these, I feel safe. Times like these remind me that God really does know what is best for me, and He only wants me to trust Him. For what kind of a relationship can I have with God if I do not trust Him? What makes God most happy is seeing His people have faith and putting Him first.
   I feel so blessed to be living my life. There certainly have been times, even recently, in which I was weary of what the future held; though in the end, I've realized that I have been given a great gift. I have God's love. I have God's guidance. His light will guide my path and I will never be left alone. As long as I follow Him, I can never go wrong. It's quite comforting.
   This Christmas, I am happier than I've been in quite some time. My life makes sense, my family is hilarious, and everyone around me is so cheery. I cannot imagine anything that could possibly make this Christmas any better. I love this feeling of understanding and acceptance. This peace of mind is such a new concept for me, it's hard to believe that it's real.



   Sometimes, I wonder if this new reality is all in my head, and then I laugh at myself for thinking such a thing because when thinking this, I am, in a way, questioning God. God will never give me challenges I cannot handle. I have realized that the hardships I have faced have truly made me a stronger person. Without those experiences, I would not be the person I am today.
   I needed to see how easy it was to be led astray from God. At the time, I certainly wished I could turn back time and change what had happened. However, I now realize that it was all necessary. I needed to know that God is greater than me, and I need to make Him my first priority. I would not have the same relationship with Him that I do now if things had worked out differently.
   Now, I have a clearer understanding of "the reason" I had searched for. I have learned so much about not only myself, but my faith as well. Looking back, I can honestly say I have seen a change in myself. I have seen myself grow closer to God, and I am incredibly grateful for that. So, I suppose, I am actually thankful for the hardships I have endured, for the most certainly have made me stronger.
   God is always looking out for me, and I will never doubt Him because I will always feel His presence. He is there to listen when I'm sad and to rejoice when I'm glad. I am a sinner walking in a fallen world, feeling the love of a King who is watching from me from a perfect Heaven.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."

1 John 4:16