difficulties.

it's hard. I hate it, I really can't stand it. I don't know how this is going to work. Really, I don't want anyone else, but I also don't like being so far away from you. I know we'll be fine, and I know we can make it work, but for what? What if something happens? What if all this effort is wasted? What if things don't work out? What if something changes? What if I never have the courage to branch out because I can't find the confidence to say hello to someone. I like what I'm used to, I'm uncomfortable with the new. What if I can never get used to the fact that his is us now? What if you get sick of having to tell me things are going to be okay? What would I do then? What if I lost the one person I'm closest with? What if I can't handle all of this? What if I"m not strong enough? Oh, right, I'm not. What if I can't get it together? What if I fail? What if I can't stop being so negative about everything? What if I can't enjoy myself because I'm too busy worrying about what everyone else will think? What if you leave? I mean, really, why wouldn't you? I'm not special, I'm not unique, I'm so far from average it's ridiculous. I wish I could think otherwise, but really, I can't. And so, I've come to this, a worry freak who cannot stop thinking about all of the bad regardless of how many good things there are to be happy with. I can't stop thinking I'll never fit in, because I might not. I'm most afraid of that.