Waiting.

   All I can do is wait. I wait for answers, I wait for myself, I wait for other people, I feel like I am constantly waiting for something to make sense, when really, nothing ever makes sense. I wish I could fix everything, but I am far from being perfect. I feel so terrible, but I can't change the past. I want to understand, but I don't think I ever will. Sometimes, waiting is literally the only option. I suppose that's how it always is. People say things have to get worse before they can get better, but weren't things already worse? I am not saying they were horrible, but just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. All I can do is wait. I am waiting for answers that might never come, which unfortunately, is how reality tends to work. I have my faith, and I trust God with all my heart, but sometimes, I wish I didn't have to wait. The true test of faith is when things are the exact opposite of happy, "good", or going right in any way. I am certainly relying on my faith quite a bit these days. If nothing else good comes out of this mess, at least I know it has brought me closer to God.